How You Can Start Trusting Your Intuition

Trust your Intuition

 

Something you might not know about me is that I moved close to 1000 miles away from my parent’s home to start college at a liberal arts school. Not entirely unusual, except that all of my peers are long-gone from this small Colorado town, while I’m still here 6 years later.

Walking around campus yesterday, I finally realized  that it was all for something.

I used to be quite the party girl, especially during most of my college years. Ironically, when that was my main goal, my friends liked to take it easy, and when they finally wanted to spend most of their time partying after college ended, I was finally beginning to take a hiatus from all the booze and parties.

I constantly felt like I was bad at being in my twenties and that I shouldn’t be spending my time indoors, going to bed by 10, and generally being #GrandmaChic.

Despite the guilt and my story of “should,” I knew deep down that I was spending my time the right way, that I wasn’t actually being lazy, and that I was definitely experiencing some healing.

It is completely okay to disconnect. 

We all need to disconnect from others from time to time, and that has nothing to do with your ability to be a good friend. In fact, you can be a much better friend when you’re not constantly stuck and churning in your own turmoil. 

As I found my way walking through campus yesterday, (where I now am employed full-time), I realized that this city and the boredom I faced all brought me to the very moment of writing this blog.

If I wasn’t slightly discontent with where I was living, and if I had constantly been trying to distract myself with drugs, alcohol, and parties, I wouldn’t have realized that I wanted more.

I wouldn’t have looked into personal growth, nor would I have stumbled upon my favorite creative entrepreneurs, and I wouldn’t have had the mental energy to convince myself that this was truly the life that I have been dreaming of.

If you have even a small glimmer of hope that you’re in the right place, or the tiniest sense in your intuition that everything will work out if you are patient, or you run into the strange sensation of contentment, follow it. Lean into it.

Screw the “should”s and the “must”s and the “you’re-not-cool-ifs” and follow your heart straight into your happy place.

I finally understand what people mean when they tell others to “trust the process.” My life may have been unconventional, but I was (and am) truly, truly happy. Of course I still have goals, and still want to strive for more. But I know that I am taking steps, every day, to get closer to those goals.

And I refuse to wait until I get there to be happy.

Trust yourself, love yourself, and do you, boo.

What You Can Learn From My Scam Story

Important Lessons from

I get a call from someone impersonating an officer, with all my information, concerned about missing a court appearance for jury duty.

Not only have I never even been called in to jury duty, but I have also never had any experience with missing a court date.

I fell into the trap of listening to this asshole go on about how I could either go in for an arrest, today, or make a payment, today. He scammed me out of $1000, and if you want to know more about the story and what happened, let me know in the comments – I’d be happy to make a video about the details of the scam!

After navigating through the shame, embarrassment, and anger of being tricked out of losing a significant amount of money, I was at an emotional crossroads. I felt like I could either take this as a sign that I shouldn’t run my own business, or that I will never be able to handle my own money, or I could use this time to prove to the universe that I’m serious. Serious about my business, serious about my financial future, and someone who won’t back down from my dreams.

Lesson One: Money is a Tool // You Are More Than Your Bank Account.

I have heard so many wellness coaches and authors mention this, and though I have been trying to incorporate this into my perspective, I felt like a part of me was dismissive of this story because the people who were telling me this also had more than enough to cover their basic expenses.

I felt like I had to earn a certain amount before I could truly let myself believe that money is a tool.

Even though my account totals have dropped, I know that I have never missed a rent payment, I still generally feel safe, and now I know that I would never fall for such a thing again.

I can wait around forever to have enough money before I finally “fix” my relationship with money, or truly allow myself to feel like I deserve it.

Or, I could realize that what I actually want is to be able to support myself with my business, to be somewhat location-independent, and to feel supported through the relationships in my life.

I wasn’t angry that I was manipulated out of my money, I was mad that I was manipulated out of what that money represented to me: freedom. 

Think about what money represents for you – focus on that. I don’t have piles and piles of cash, but I truly recognize that money is not an end in itself. Money is a means to the life you truly want.

Don’t give it more power than you need to.

When we get stuck using measuring our self-worth through quantified terms, it will never be enough. You can get so focused on increasing the numbers in your bank account, or losing more and more weight, or getting a perfect test score in a shorter amount of time, that you honestly forget what it’s all for.

And I urge you to remember what the bottom line is and what your true motives are. Because when something happens, like you get scammed and you lose some money, or gain some weight back, or when you have a bad test day, that can be all it takes for you to lose all of your self-worth.

Your sense of worthiness is not quantifiable, so stop telling yourself it is! 

Lesson Two: You Can Only Control the Power you Give to a Situation.

I could spend the rest of the holidays skulking around about how I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and paranoid about someone out there who knows my information. Sure, I genuinely felt all of these things. But I choose not to give this situation more power than it needs.

Looking back on my college experience, I can think of an entire list of times I had been betrayed, wronged, or manipulated. 

Not all of those times were as serious as being scammed, but plenty of them sent me into emotional turmoil far worse than what I am experiencing now.

The reason is because I saw myself as weak, powerless, and only a victim of what was going on around me. 

In reality, other than aging a few years, and switching from being a full-time student to a full-time employee, not much has tangibly changed in my life.

But what is different is my perspective on how to deal with negative situations. The point is, shit happens. It will look differently in all of our lives, but we will all be let down at some point.

In any of these situations, you have the power to chose how you feel and how you will deal with the situation. 

Do you want to be defined by your struggles, or by what you accomplished in spite of them?

Empathize with yourself and allow yourself to feel hurt. Then pick yourself up and keep going. Make changes, redefine relationships, do what you need to do to heal.

But don’t stop being you.

xoxo,

Rosh

Always Jealous? Here’s How to Deal With it:

There’s nothing worse than floating around in a directionless space. But we have all experienced, most likely on a daily basis, ourselves constantly critiquing and comparing ourselves to everyone physically around us and in our newsfeeds.

The antidote to feeling lost? Using your Comparison Envy as a teaching tool for what you truly want.

A few years ago, I would feel a literal pang when I saw how many likes someone’s Instagram had, or saw how talented my friends’ pictures on social media were. Now, here I am, starting an online business, focusing on improving my photography and videography abilities, and finally feel like these are actual skills that I can work toward rather than a talent that just completely missed me.

I didn’t quite connect the dots at first, but looking back, had I paid closer attention to that comparison envy actually teaching me what I wanted for myself, I could have saved a lot of heartache by just admitting to myself that that’s what I wanted. Instead, I lost both time and confidence in pitying myself.

I don’t want you to lose this kind of precious time – I want you to be able to set it and get it

Don’t let yourself be pushed around by the comparison envy in your head. Instead, let it fuel your motivation and help you get to the bottom of what you truly want.

Journal Prompt:

1. Ask yourself why you are constantly comparing yourself to others, and what is at the core of the comparison.

2. What can you start doing, today, to help you reach the goal outlined by your comparison envy?

Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email, and let me know what your comparison envy has taught you!

xoxo,

Rosh

How to Visualize and Manifest your Goals

visualize & manifest your goals

 

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of my recent dreams of actually having a festive holiday season, on my terms, has been coming true.

I wanted to explore this story a little more, and talk about my first-ever experience with visualization and manifestation. I have been exploring this topic recently, and learned that some of my favorite lifestyle bloggers, YouTubers, and authors strongly believe in the power of visualizing and using this tactic as a stepping stone to manifesting their dreams.

I have been so intrigued by this topic that I decided to add it to my habit tracker so that I would remember to set aside a little time every day to think about what I truly wanted.

I’m not gonna lie – a lot of this process started out in a stressful way. I was constantly worried that I wasn’t “visualizing correctly” or that I wasn’t focused and meditative enough. I felt like sometimes I would dream and visualize about living on an island, sometimes I would focus on running a successful business, but there wasn’t one overall lifestyle or goal that I was picturing myself living.

I kept visualizing the fantasies that I would see on my Pinterest boards rather than actually picturing how a particular thing would look in my life. 

In the past, I’ve never really been able to choose what I’m doing or where I’m going during the holiday season. This year, I took a stand to celebrate the holidays my way. I was able to buy a later ticket to see my family, so that I could spend the holiday season with my boyfriend in my cozy Colorado landscape without actually upsetting my parents.

When I finally felt like I had some level of control over my plans without being guilt-tripped or feeling like I was letting everyone down, I was finally able to focus in on what I really wanted. 

I started picturing even more fairy lights strung up all around my apartment, and a sweet little christmas tree with classy ornaments in the corner by the window, and started dreaming of all the delicious desserts I would whip up for Christmas day.

Last weekend, when my boyfriend and I went to his parents house for dinner, his mom gave us a pre-lit Christmas tree, strings of fairy lights, and even tons of festive ornaments. It all fell into my lap, and as soon as we got home my boyfriend out the exact corner I was visualizing as the perfect home for our new tree.

It was such a small manifestation, but it left me looking at this holiday season with completely new eyes.

Peeling back the layers of what I truly want compared to what I should want (being in Texas with my parents) has allowed me to shift my perspective. Instead of making myself feel bad that I’m not the perfect Indian daughter, I now realize that all I can truly do is follow what I want and figure out how it’s all going to work.

But ignoring my dreams to potentially make others happy while I choose to lead a life of quiet resentment is just not an option for me. 

Here are a couple of things to remember when visualizing goals in your own life:

  1. It’s better to start small than not at all.
    1. Maybe you don’t know what you want, or what your future holds, and you sure don’t have time for any  kind of commitment. But you know you want to be out on Saturday night, looking your best in that one certain dress. Or you can at least agree that a roadtrip or vaca with your besties is exactly what you need. Picking just one thing that you know you want can start to uncover other hidden dreams that you’ve kept at bay. 
  2. Focus in on the details
    1. An important aspect of visualization that you’ll hear all the experts talk about is to not get attached to how a certain dream will manifest. For example, I never would have thought that my boyfriend’s mom would have magically gifted us a Christmas tree. But, I did focus in on visualizing the tree, and the lights, and the ornaments themselves. The more specific you are about a certain goal, the better. 
  3. Picture it in your own life
    1. There is a difference between fantasizing about someone else’s life and actually visualizing accomplishing your goals in your own life. When I pictured the tree, I pictured exactly how it would look in my apartment, where it would go, and how it would make me feel. That is visualizing and manifesting in your own life. What I didn’t do is just go on Pinterest or Instagram to stalk other people’s perfect holiday decorations and get caught in a loop of envy. Even if you aren’t soaked in negativity or envy, when you start visualizing how a goal would truly look like for you, it becomes much more real. This is the difference between a daydream or a far-off thought and actually visualizing and manifesting your future. 

In the comments below, let me know if you’ve ever had an experience with visualizing and/or manifestation!

If not, did this post give you some visualization – inspo?

xoxo,

Rosh

Start Your Manifestation Journey with this Mantra

In the past week, I have re-framed my mindset to this: Set It + Get It. 

It’s that simple.

What’s important to note is that half the work is in setting the goal itself.

And you know why?

Because we get tripped up in thoughts like this:

“what’s the point of it all anyway? what’s the difference if I just stay where I am one more year? What’s the point of taking a risk when I can just play it safe? What if they make fun of me? What if they doubt me? What if they call me an imposter? I am an imposter… I’m out of my league. I’m not good enough. I’m fine with the way everything is, right?”

…and so on.

We have a flicker of an idea of a goal that we want to achieve, and we don’t even give ourselves time to write the goal down or process it before we convince ourselves to just move on or to stop dreaming.

Achieving goals is like building a muscle but it’s something that we can do. We just have to figure out where we want to go, what we want to do, and connect that bridge from where we are now.

For example, this year, I decided that I truly want to design the holiday season of my dreams. This doesn’t mean spending explosive amounts of money, but it meant creating a space for myself, in my adult home and adult life, to truly feel like I am creating my own traditions and not just playing the role of a child anymore. It’s so nice to give back, to choose who I want to give gifts to, set boundaries for those gifts (i.e. minimalist gifts, gifts under a certain budget range, etc.) so that I’m not left to start 2018 on a stressed and broke note.

I realized that because of family feuds, travel, spending money, and just general chaos, that holidays had always stressed and overwhelmed me.

I never thought that I could make the holidays my own because for so long in my life, it meant sacrificing what I truly wanted in order to make everyone else around me happy.

Deep down, I knew what I wanted, but I felt like I didn’t deserve it. 

Because again, as soon as we have a glimmer of an idea of what we truly want, we are bombarded with:

“am I good enough? What does this all mean? Have I proved enough? What if everyone thinks that I don’t love them? What if this blows up in my face?”

As soon as we can let go of the self-doubt, the self-torment, the agonizing self-indulgence, we can finally admit our own goals.

In my case, it was that I wanted a great holiday on my own terms, my way.

Admit the goals. Set it, and get it.

When I talk about setting a goal, it’s about making the decision to stick to that goal and to keep striving towards it every single day. As I said, making it happen was a fraction of the work compared to just setting the goal in the first place.

Once I could admit what I truly wanted (to feel like I am in charge of my life and control over this tumultuous season), it was as simple as setting up a Christmas tree, snagging some gifts I’m excited about, and deciding on some homemade holiday treats to set my new traditions.

Forget your negativity, Set your goals and desires, and Get started on making it all happen.

xoxo,

Rosh

 

Scheduling Time for Self-Care, Creativity + Managing Anxiety (video)

I created a video on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp about mastering habit trackers and organizing activities of self-love into your daily or weekly routines.

Subscribe to my channel for more videos on self-discovery, self-care, and mental-health-related topics. My upcoming video series is focused on what contributes to our sense of self and how we can take control of our lives. New videos are up every Wednesday!

How to Stick with New Year’s Resolutions

BLOG christmas pic

Christmas and the New Year are now officially around the corner, and my heart is getting fuzzy just thinking of coffee, fireplaces, and bundling myself in blankets.

However, other than spending too much money and potential family drama, New Year’s Resolutions put the angel on the Christmas tree as my least favorite aspects of the holiday season.

Yes, I consider myself to be a productive goal-setter. However, I can’t remember the last time I set a New Year’s Resolution. The stigma of how many people break them by January 15th made me want to take myself out of the equation completely.

However, setting goals, and sticking to them, may not be as hard as you think.

Today, I bring you some Education Psychology via Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy to break it all down.

Self-Efficacy is one’s own belief in themselves to accomplish a task. 

So let’s say that finally committing to that gym membership is your chosen task or resolution.

Your belief in your ability to get up at 5 am, or to stop at the gym before you even get home from work, will contribute to whether you cancel that gym membership by January 15th of the new year. This is a prime example of making sure that we are

Self-efficacy is built from your own past experiences, the experiences of those around you, and the stories that you tell yourself and that others tell you. 

Have you ever worked out at a gym in the past?

Were you ever an athlete, or very active as a child?

Were you surrounded by friends and family who valued exercising?

Are you someone who believes that you will achieve anything that you put your mind to?

The key is to reel in the Chandler-Bing-esque-self-hate and to instead tell ourselves, that today, “Out of my 14 waking hours, I will spend one hour at the gym.”

But it’s just not our own stories that we tell ourselves, it’s what other people have told us our whole lives.

Was there a coach or trainer who always pushed you harder?

Did you have a support system that believed you?

Was it the lack of a support system that made you believe in yourself so much damn harder?

We have control over our own self-efficacy, and we can rewrite our stories at any time. Here’s how:

  1. Our self-efficacy can shift based on our mood. Find the time of day, or time of week, best fit to practice your new year’s resolution. Will you be more receptive in the morning? Or does it make more sense for you to burn out any energy and stress that you’ve acquired at the end of the day?
  2. We can trick our brain into building self-efficacy by visualizing us accomplishing the task at hand. Visualize, visualize, visualize. Spend each day, picturing yourself doing the thing. So picture you’re poppin’ body in those Lululemon leggings, or visualize you shredding out of that muscle tee. Picture the water bottle you will take with you, and the time of day you have set aside for that hobby or task.
  3. We can build self-efficacy by breaking what is unknown (going to the gym) with smaller tasks that we are comfortable with. Sure, maybe you haven’t been to the gym in about 5 years, and nothing about that is comforting. But you have picked out clothes before, you have created dope AF playlists before, and you have refilled that water bottle about 300 times. Start small. Break down each major, looming task into something that is so small that it is silly not to do it. (i.e., refilling that water bottle.) Not only will this get you steps closer towards accomplishing your goal, but taking any form of action, with the overall goal in mind, is a step towards building our self-efficacy towards that task. (And if you’re like me, this is a wonderful excuse to make a list (!!) and then to cross things off of it.)

Together, regardless of what your goals or resolutions are, let’s be a little less like Chandler and a little more like Phoebe running through central park.

xoxo,

Rosh

An Introduction To Beti Grew Up

Welcome, everyone! I am so excited to “meet” and connect with all of you!

I want to preface this blog by writing a more in-depth introduction to this brand and my personal story.

My name is Roshni, and I am a 23-year-old, Kenyan-born, Texas-raised, Indian lady who now lives in Colorado! Needless to say, my upbringing has been complex — but it’s given me insight into many different perspectives that I’ve implemented on my journey of personal growth and healing.

Beti Grew Up is a business focused on helping you create and cultivate your sense of self. My belief is that the better you take care of yourself, and the better you know who who are, the more enriched your life and your relationships will be.

As a third culture kid, a child of immigrants, and a first generation college student in the United States, I have had to create bridges between seemingly mutually exclusive worlds. I have had to navigate relationships with family members and peers who operate from a completely different perspective.

What I’ve learned through this all, is that anything is possible if you have a strong sense of self.

My story of navigating depression, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in a community of color has also contributed to my belief that a strong sense of self is something that you can cultivate at any time, and is the key to unleashing internalized messages about yourself, your culture, and your true sense of self. I’m sure that many millennials, or individuals for that matter, have grown up and watched members of their community battle with issues that were kept a secret or caused a lot of shame.

Seeing the consequences of this in my own life has inspired me to write and speak up about managing our emotions, providing real tips and exercises (that I’ve personally used) to begin to heal, and to foster a shame-free community to talk through our stories.

I started this blog partly to keep myself on track in my own whirlwind journey of personal growth, and to offer insight and advice to anyone who wants to tune in to their true selves.

In this blog, and on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp, I aim to:

A) help you understand and manage your emotions,
B) dissect what having a sense of self means, where our own sense of self comes from, and how to begin to change that story, and
C) create a community that strengthens one another to decolonize, to unlearn, to relearn, and to cultivate our best selves.

I post a new YouTube video every Wednesday, and you will see a new blog post here, every Saturday. If you want to reach out to me with your story, you can always email me at betigrewup@gmail.com.

If you want to follow my personal soc meds, I’ll be on Instagram as @rikk_r0sh

See you Sunday, and happy healing!

xoxo

Roshni

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