An Ode to Lonely Hearts this Holiday Season

To anyone who has been emotionally, physically, or mentally abused by close family.

To anyone who cannot come out to their family.

To anyone who has lost family support because you stood in your truth.

This is for you.

You are  precious gem in this often soulless world. You will find a chosen family. You did not betray anyone.

You are breaking through generational trauma. You are investing in the future of your family and your own descendents.

You will create a home that you love. You will thrive.

You deserve to have boundaries. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve genuine happiness.

You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are loved.

What You Can Learn From My Scam Story

Important Lessons from

I get a call from someone impersonating an officer, with all my information, concerned about missing a court appearance for jury duty.

Not only have I never even been called in to jury duty, but I have also never had any experience with missing a court date.

I fell into the trap of listening to this asshole go on about how I could either go in for an arrest, today, or make a payment, today. He scammed me out of $1000, and if you want to know more about the story and what happened, let me know in the comments – I’d be happy to make a video about the details of the scam!

After navigating through the shame, embarrassment, and anger of being tricked out of losing a significant amount of money, I was at an emotional crossroads. I felt like I could either take this as a sign that I shouldn’t run my own business, or that I will never be able to handle my own money, or I could use this time to prove to the universe that I’m serious. Serious about my business, serious about my financial future, and someone who won’t back down from my dreams.

Lesson One: Money is a Tool // You Are More Than Your Bank Account.

I have heard so many wellness coaches and authors mention this, and though I have been trying to incorporate this into my perspective, I felt like a part of me was dismissive of this story because the people who were telling me this also had more than enough to cover their basic expenses.

I felt like I had to earn a certain amount before I could truly let myself believe that money is a tool.

Even though my account totals have dropped, I know that I have never missed a rent payment, I still generally feel safe, and now I know that I would never fall for such a thing again.

I can wait around forever to have enough money before I finally “fix” my relationship with money, or truly allow myself to feel like I deserve it.

Or, I could realize that what I actually want is to be able to support myself with my business, to be somewhat location-independent, and to feel supported through the relationships in my life.

I wasn’t angry that I was manipulated out of my money, I was mad that I was manipulated out of what that money represented to me: freedom. 

Think about what money represents for you – focus on that. I don’t have piles and piles of cash, but I truly recognize that money is not an end in itself. Money is a means to the life you truly want.

Don’t give it more power than you need to.

When we get stuck using measuring our self-worth through quantified terms, it will never be enough. You can get so focused on increasing the numbers in your bank account, or losing more and more weight, or getting a perfect test score in a shorter amount of time, that you honestly forget what it’s all for.

And I urge you to remember what the bottom line is and what your true motives are. Because when something happens, like you get scammed and you lose some money, or gain some weight back, or when you have a bad test day, that can be all it takes for you to lose all of your self-worth.

Your sense of worthiness is not quantifiable, so stop telling yourself it is! 

Lesson Two: You Can Only Control the Power you Give to a Situation.

I could spend the rest of the holidays skulking around about how I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and paranoid about someone out there who knows my information. Sure, I genuinely felt all of these things. But I choose not to give this situation more power than it needs.

Looking back on my college experience, I can think of an entire list of times I had been betrayed, wronged, or manipulated. 

Not all of those times were as serious as being scammed, but plenty of them sent me into emotional turmoil far worse than what I am experiencing now.

The reason is because I saw myself as weak, powerless, and only a victim of what was going on around me. 

In reality, other than aging a few years, and switching from being a full-time student to a full-time employee, not much has tangibly changed in my life.

But what is different is my perspective on how to deal with negative situations. The point is, shit happens. It will look differently in all of our lives, but we will all be let down at some point.

In any of these situations, you have the power to chose how you feel and how you will deal with the situation. 

Do you want to be defined by your struggles, or by what you accomplished in spite of them?

Empathize with yourself and allow yourself to feel hurt. Then pick yourself up and keep going. Make changes, redefine relationships, do what you need to do to heal.

But don’t stop being you.

xoxo,

Rosh

Managing Emotions: Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

I’m one of those people who frequently looks for ways to have my mind blown.

For the first time ever, I was introduced to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, and I feel like I have been reunited with a long-lost friend.

emotions wheel
Plutchick’s Wheel of Emotions

By looking at this graph, you can easily identify the “regions” in which we are allowing our emotions to  exist.

Seeing every emotion and feeling formatted in this way really helps me figure out where my head is and what I’m sacrificing in order to keep my energy in that place.

For example, the years that I spent essentially living in the dark, avoiding real activities and human interaction, kept me in the Sad, Mad, and Scared regions, but I realized that what I truly desired was in the Peaceful, Powerful, and Joyful regions.

Instead of doing things differently, I kept hiding and finding ways to play it safe when all I wanted was to feel confident, brave, and content.

Seeing this emotions chart helps me realize that as much as I want to believe some emotions are negative and some are positive, in all honesty, emotions don’t have that connotations in themselves.

Rather, it’s how we talk to ourselves about experiencing these emotions that drive home the feeling that certain emotions are bad or even punishable.

When the emotions are all listed like this, it makes me realize that every emotion is genuinely valid, and it makes me feel that I have some level of control over myself. It makes it much easier to realize that all of these emotions I am experiencing (feeling apathetic, angry, resentful, depressed) are not all so foreign from one another as I originally thought. This also helps me think about certain activities that I connect with many of these feelings.

Studying this chart has gifted me with an amazing new perspective – when I find myself “stuck” on one side of this emotion wheel, or truly feeling in a rut, I can look at the emotions that are on the opposite side and try to do at least one thing to foster that opposite and desired emotion.

For example, as I mentioned, I used to find myself skulking in my room in a Netflix-induced haze, all the while wanting to feel as confident and wholehearted as the women I was watching on the screen.

When I look at the emotions wheel, I can now see that during some of the worst times in my life, what I felt was remorseful, isolated, and apathetic. Now, I finally notice that across from these painful emotions live the emotions that I so deeply desired – emotions like creativity, optimism, and feeling energetic.

Sure, it can be extremely difficult to go from months of inactivity and Netflix binging to waking up at 6 am for a winter morning jog. Instead, I picked a positive emotion that seems both attainable and yet a break from my usual rut: creativity.

I can easily be creative from the confines of my bedroom, which still leaves me physically in a place of comfort, while I am stretching my mental boundaries and allowing myself to take steps outside of my comfort zone.

What is so great about creating is that it gives you a free arena in which to make decisions and to do things your own way with little to no consequences. I can color a whole page black, or splatter paint with no concept behind it, and no one can get hurt or blame me for screwing up. It’s safe, but it still helps me feel that I am making my own decisions, taking control, and not just being a passive and isolated binge-watching fanatic.

In the comments below, let me know – have you seen this emotions wheel before? If not, did it surprise you?

xoxo,

Rosh

Scheduling Time for Self-Care, Creativity + Managing Anxiety (video)

I created a video on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp about mastering habit trackers and organizing activities of self-love into your daily or weekly routines.

Subscribe to my channel for more videos on self-discovery, self-care, and mental-health-related topics. My upcoming video series is focused on what contributes to our sense of self and how we can take control of our lives. New videos are up every Wednesday!

An Introduction To Beti Grew Up

Welcome, everyone! I am so excited to “meet” and connect with all of you!

I want to preface this blog by writing a more in-depth introduction to this brand and my personal story.

My name is Roshni, and I am a 23-year-old, Kenyan-born, Texas-raised, Indian lady who now lives in Colorado! Needless to say, my upbringing has been complex — but it’s given me insight into many different perspectives that I’ve implemented on my journey of personal growth and healing.

Beti Grew Up is a business focused on helping you create and cultivate your sense of self. My belief is that the better you take care of yourself, and the better you know who who are, the more enriched your life and your relationships will be.

As a third culture kid, a child of immigrants, and a first generation college student in the United States, I have had to create bridges between seemingly mutually exclusive worlds. I have had to navigate relationships with family members and peers who operate from a completely different perspective.

What I’ve learned through this all, is that anything is possible if you have a strong sense of self.

My story of navigating depression, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in a community of color has also contributed to my belief that a strong sense of self is something that you can cultivate at any time, and is the key to unleashing internalized messages about yourself, your culture, and your true sense of self. I’m sure that many millennials, or individuals for that matter, have grown up and watched members of their community battle with issues that were kept a secret or caused a lot of shame.

Seeing the consequences of this in my own life has inspired me to write and speak up about managing our emotions, providing real tips and exercises (that I’ve personally used) to begin to heal, and to foster a shame-free community to talk through our stories.

I started this blog partly to keep myself on track in my own whirlwind journey of personal growth, and to offer insight and advice to anyone who wants to tune in to their true selves.

In this blog, and on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp, I aim to:

A) help you understand and manage your emotions,
B) dissect what having a sense of self means, where our own sense of self comes from, and how to begin to change that story, and
C) create a community that strengthens one another to decolonize, to unlearn, to relearn, and to cultivate our best selves.

I post a new YouTube video every Wednesday, and you will see a new blog post here, every Saturday. If you want to reach out to me with your story, you can always email me at betigrewup@gmail.com.

If you want to follow my personal soc meds, I’ll be on Instagram as @rikk_r0sh

See you Sunday, and happy healing!

xoxo

Roshni

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