Can you learn to trust yourself?

Self-Trust is fundamental to self-worth. Add headingAdd heading (3).png

Do you trust yourself to do what is best for yourself?

Do you trust yourself to be compassionate towards yourself instead of beating yourself up when you make a mistake?

Do you understand yourself well enough to trust your decision-making skills?

Being able to trust yourself is a struggle for all of us. Most of the time, we are taught to do the opposite of our first reaction – waiting three extra days to text that person you actually kind of like, or second-guessing your career choice, or putting your passions away for something more practical.

But self-trust has huge benefits – when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to actually trust ourselves, the more we can learn about our Higher Selves and what we truly love. It can allow us to hear our intuition, loudly and clearly. Sometimes, this can even bring us closer to fulfilling our Personal Journey (the Alchemist, anyone?).

I created six affirmations below to help you cultivate self-trust.

You can repeat these along with other affirmations, you can write them over and over in your morning pages, you can even write them on post-its and put them in your bedroom.

Generally, repeating affirmations, especially aloud, is one of the best ways to really reprogram your subconscious. Even if you need to work yourself up to it, it is the best way to really believe these messages.

  1.  I trust the Universe and the Universe trusts me.
  2. I love and trust myself unconditionally.
  3. I can rely on myself.
  4. I am trustworthy.
  5. I deserve to be trusted.
  6. I am capable of making decisions that serve my Higher Self.

Do you have a favorite mantra? Let me know in the comments below!

Xoxo,

Rosh

 

How to Connect with your Intuition

Connect w your IntuitionDeveloping intuition and trust in ourselves is incredibly important – especially for South Asian women, or all women for that matter! In a culture and world where we, as women, are constantly told what to do and how to do it, it’s so vital to develop a relationship with your self and to decide who you truly want to be in this world. Without developing this connection to our intuition, we can go our entire lives playing by the rules and only doing what others demand of us.
I know how hard it can be to even know what your intuition is supposed to sound like and how to really know if your thoughts and actions are representative of your true self, so I created this list of small ways that you can start to be more intuitive in your daily life.
Intuition is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it the more you know how it sounds and what it is leading you towards. The more that you listen to and respect your intuition, the more easily you can live Self-Concordantly and truly develop a strong sense of self.
Intuition is defined as “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts: Often there’s no clear evidence one way or the other and you just have to base your judgment on intuition,” by the Cambridge English Dictionary. While this may seem like it could be a trivial because it isn’t based on any rationale, developing Intuition is imperative because there are many decisions in life that cannot be based on rationale.
When it comes to finding a life partner, or deciding on a career path, or a new place to move – there are many situations in life that aren’t black and white and that take more than a pro-con list to decipher.
Here are three ways to start developing your intuition today:
  1. Start making choices intuitively – We make tons of choices every day – how we want to dress, what we want to eat, which workout we are doing that day, the affirmations we want to use, the tarot card we pull, the essential oils we diffuse. These choices are all frequent and have little to no consequences – you won’t be at stake of ruining your life if you choose a “bad” essential oil combo. Instead of falling back on your usual routine or making these daily decisions on autopilot, try to be a little more mindful for a week and see what your intuition draws you towards. Making these minute decisions can help you express your intuition without any fear that it will lead you off-track.
  2. When you have a tough decision to make, instead of running to your best friend or significant other for their opinion, journal it out. You may have heard of your “inner child,” but have you heard of your “inner mentor?” Both of these practices are great for developing your intuition. Grab your journal or some paper, and ask your inner Mentor (the older, wiser version of you), or your Inner Child (the younger, more fun, more carefree version of you) what they think you should do. Not only does this help you to look at your Self in a more holistic view, it will help you change how you look at time. This exercise allows you to feel as if you are asking someone for advice, but keeps the conversation pure rather than factoring in someone else’s fears and insecurities into the mix. It also teaches you that you are capable of making a decision without someone else’s approval. As someone who definitely used to be a people-pleaser, it can be shocking to realize how easily you can make a decision without having to get every single person’s approval first.
  3. This last one takes a little more imagination, but it is completely worth it. This is a visualization practice in which you think back on past memories of yourself when you were a child in distress. It is incredibly important that you let these memories come to you (it might even take a few days) and that you do not force yourself to relive or re-encounter anything that is too painful for you. In fact, the only memories that I have felt comfortable revisiting from my childhood have been memories before the age of 10, because my intuition has not guided me to revisit any painful memories from high school or college yet.
 When you revisit these memories, do not put yourself back in your skin, but instead watch them like a movie or like a still-shot in your mind. It is as if you, as an adult, are looking back over your past and connecting with your hurt inner child. When you see yourself as a child, being hurt, confused, and/or lost, allow yourself to enter this memory as the adult you are now and offer your younger self a hug, some comforting words, and just compassion in general.
I often picture my older self going back to my younger self when she is in a moment of panic or grief, holding her in a hug and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Not only does this make me feel like I am a compassionate and responsible adult, but it makes the younger version of me feel less hurt and abandoned. It feels like someone came back for her, and that she had someone looking out for her all along. Our inner children are generally creative and fun-loving, so offering this part of yourself compassion and healing can help repair the intuitive freedom and openness that often gets trapped and squandered with both trauma and age.
I cannot stress enough, however, to only do this with past memories that you are comfortable revisiting. I do not want you to rush this process and force yourself to revisit painful memories that leave you feel worn down, depressive, and at a loss for energy. Just finding these memories is a practice of intuition in itself – allow your Self to take on this exercise with the intention of healing (and any other intention that you may set) and let these memories come to you. You may even encounter some memories that you wouldn’t have otherwise remembered, but that still had a lasting effect on you.
Which exercise are you most excited to try? Let me know in the comments below!
As always, if you have any questions about these exercises or want to get in touch with me, email me!
Love + Light,
Roshni

Changing Relationships to Better Yourself

It’s been over eight months since I’ve seen my parents. For a lot of other Desis I know, that concept can be a difficult one to picture.

As you may know, I live in Colorado and left home in Texas about 6 years ago for university. I frequently came back home, as most students did, on school breaks while I was in college, and was able to see my parents about every 3 or 4 months.

When I graduated and got my first professional, full-time job at the same university, my parents warned me that I could only take this job if I came home once a month. So last year, every month, I flew home on my own dime and visited for 3 – 4 days. They were short trips, but so frequent that it felt like I wasn’t really away.

This year, I haven’t been home since March. I bailed on my Thanksgiving plans to go home, (much to my parents dismay) and now I’m heading home for 2 days for New Year’s Eve. Though I don’t always get along with my parents, and love living away from home, I dealt with a lot of guilt that I was away from home.

I never even realized that moving back home was what was expected of me after college. The only expectation that I was aware of was to get a good job, which I did.

For so many South Asians, and especially South Asian women, our role is often defined by what we can provide for our families. It’s always great to be of service, to be there for others, and to cultivate healthy relationships with our loved ones.

However, we are entering a new world in which we can begin to redefine our roles, our families, and how we allow ourselves to cultivate our own sense of self. 

We are CREATING culture as we live and breathe. We define and redefine our culture as Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Canadians, Americans, British in every waking moment.

It’s okay to change the rules.

More importantly, it’s okay to disconnect from people when you grow. 

This past year has encapsulated the most personal growth and healing that I’ve ever experienced. Not only did I launch this blog and my youtube channel, but I also discovered the powers of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and am studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a result. I’ve finally reestablished my yoga practice, and I’ve finally been able to bring myself to meditate.

None of this would have been possible without me taking these months to myself.

We all need some time away from the “energy-suckers,” as Oprah calls them.

My biggest point here is that not every ‘energy-sucker’ has to be a completely, all-around, horrible person. Our seasons of life can also factor into who we should be spending time with, and how much that time can vary.

It’s probably not great to be out at the club 4+ nights a week, every week. But if you’re on vacation, it might make perfect sense to spend a few days that week partying it up. These seasons of life are natural.

It’s okay to take a break from all your family members, or to take a hiatus from seeing your friends for a couple of weeks. Especially if this means that you will grow and be a better person because of it. 

When you take time to nurture who you are, and you allow yourself to truly care for yourself, you begin to reap the benefits. When you finally reconnect with your loved ones, you have more positivity, more energy, and more presence to bring into the relationships.

Disconnect to reconnect.

xoxo,

Roshni

Managing Emotions: Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

I’m one of those people who frequently looks for ways to have my mind blown.

For the first time ever, I was introduced to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, and I feel like I have been reunited with a long-lost friend.

emotions wheel
Plutchick’s Wheel of Emotions

By looking at this graph, you can easily identify the “regions” in which we are allowing our emotions to  exist.

Seeing every emotion and feeling formatted in this way really helps me figure out where my head is and what I’m sacrificing in order to keep my energy in that place.

For example, the years that I spent essentially living in the dark, avoiding real activities and human interaction, kept me in the Sad, Mad, and Scared regions, but I realized that what I truly desired was in the Peaceful, Powerful, and Joyful regions.

Instead of doing things differently, I kept hiding and finding ways to play it safe when all I wanted was to feel confident, brave, and content.

Seeing this emotions chart helps me realize that as much as I want to believe some emotions are negative and some are positive, in all honesty, emotions don’t have that connotations in themselves.

Rather, it’s how we talk to ourselves about experiencing these emotions that drive home the feeling that certain emotions are bad or even punishable.

When the emotions are all listed like this, it makes me realize that every emotion is genuinely valid, and it makes me feel that I have some level of control over myself. It makes it much easier to realize that all of these emotions I am experiencing (feeling apathetic, angry, resentful, depressed) are not all so foreign from one another as I originally thought. This also helps me think about certain activities that I connect with many of these feelings.

Studying this chart has gifted me with an amazing new perspective – when I find myself “stuck” on one side of this emotion wheel, or truly feeling in a rut, I can look at the emotions that are on the opposite side and try to do at least one thing to foster that opposite and desired emotion.

For example, as I mentioned, I used to find myself skulking in my room in a Netflix-induced haze, all the while wanting to feel as confident and wholehearted as the women I was watching on the screen.

When I look at the emotions wheel, I can now see that during some of the worst times in my life, what I felt was remorseful, isolated, and apathetic. Now, I finally notice that across from these painful emotions live the emotions that I so deeply desired – emotions like creativity, optimism, and feeling energetic.

Sure, it can be extremely difficult to go from months of inactivity and Netflix binging to waking up at 6 am for a winter morning jog. Instead, I picked a positive emotion that seems both attainable and yet a break from my usual rut: creativity.

I can easily be creative from the confines of my bedroom, which still leaves me physically in a place of comfort, while I am stretching my mental boundaries and allowing myself to take steps outside of my comfort zone.

What is so great about creating is that it gives you a free arena in which to make decisions and to do things your own way with little to no consequences. I can color a whole page black, or splatter paint with no concept behind it, and no one can get hurt or blame me for screwing up. It’s safe, but it still helps me feel that I am making my own decisions, taking control, and not just being a passive and isolated binge-watching fanatic.

In the comments below, let me know – have you seen this emotions wheel before? If not, did it surprise you?

xoxo,

Rosh

How to Stick with New Year’s Resolutions

BLOG christmas pic

Christmas and the New Year are now officially around the corner, and my heart is getting fuzzy just thinking of coffee, fireplaces, and bundling myself in blankets.

However, other than spending too much money and potential family drama, New Year’s Resolutions put the angel on the Christmas tree as my least favorite aspects of the holiday season.

Yes, I consider myself to be a productive goal-setter. However, I can’t remember the last time I set a New Year’s Resolution. The stigma of how many people break them by January 15th made me want to take myself out of the equation completely.

However, setting goals, and sticking to them, may not be as hard as you think.

Today, I bring you some Education Psychology via Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy to break it all down.

Self-Efficacy is one’s own belief in themselves to accomplish a task. 

So let’s say that finally committing to that gym membership is your chosen task or resolution.

Your belief in your ability to get up at 5 am, or to stop at the gym before you even get home from work, will contribute to whether you cancel that gym membership by January 15th of the new year. This is a prime example of making sure that we are

Self-efficacy is built from your own past experiences, the experiences of those around you, and the stories that you tell yourself and that others tell you. 

Have you ever worked out at a gym in the past?

Were you ever an athlete, or very active as a child?

Were you surrounded by friends and family who valued exercising?

Are you someone who believes that you will achieve anything that you put your mind to?

The key is to reel in the Chandler-Bing-esque-self-hate and to instead tell ourselves, that today, “Out of my 14 waking hours, I will spend one hour at the gym.”

But it’s just not our own stories that we tell ourselves, it’s what other people have told us our whole lives.

Was there a coach or trainer who always pushed you harder?

Did you have a support system that believed you?

Was it the lack of a support system that made you believe in yourself so much damn harder?

We have control over our own self-efficacy, and we can rewrite our stories at any time. Here’s how:

  1. Our self-efficacy can shift based on our mood. Find the time of day, or time of week, best fit to practice your new year’s resolution. Will you be more receptive in the morning? Or does it make more sense for you to burn out any energy and stress that you’ve acquired at the end of the day?
  2. We can trick our brain into building self-efficacy by visualizing us accomplishing the task at hand. Visualize, visualize, visualize. Spend each day, picturing yourself doing the thing. So picture you’re poppin’ body in those Lululemon leggings, or visualize you shredding out of that muscle tee. Picture the water bottle you will take with you, and the time of day you have set aside for that hobby or task.
  3. We can build self-efficacy by breaking what is unknown (going to the gym) with smaller tasks that we are comfortable with. Sure, maybe you haven’t been to the gym in about 5 years, and nothing about that is comforting. But you have picked out clothes before, you have created dope AF playlists before, and you have refilled that water bottle about 300 times. Start small. Break down each major, looming task into something that is so small that it is silly not to do it. (i.e., refilling that water bottle.) Not only will this get you steps closer towards accomplishing your goal, but taking any form of action, with the overall goal in mind, is a step towards building our self-efficacy towards that task. (And if you’re like me, this is a wonderful excuse to make a list (!!) and then to cross things off of it.)

Together, regardless of what your goals or resolutions are, let’s be a little less like Chandler and a little more like Phoebe running through central park.

xoxo,

Rosh

Discovering our Sense of Self: Ego vs. Self

New Doc 2017-11-17-01Happy Saturday, everyone!

Life is, essentially, a clusterfuck. So much of life passes by while we are stuck somewhere between ‘should’ and ‘could.’

In my recent post-graduate years, I’ve been trying to come to terms with who I am in the “real world,” outside of my tiny liberal arts cocoon. Instead of feeling free, I felt crippled by the overwhelming number of voices and opinions out there telling me how to spend my twenties, what I should be doing, how selfish I should be, blah blah blork.

When I first started my post-graduate, full-time, office-and-nameplate-and- stacks-of-business cards job, I would escape during breaks by staring at gorgeous Instagram feeds of travellers living their fullest, most profitable lives on beaches with a laptop and a rum-and-coke. What I eventually realized was that I love my 2 bedroom, spacious apartment, I don’t want to jump from hostel to hostel, and I thoroughly enjoy having my own space, my own quiet, my own mess if I want to.

That’s how I began to define “self-indulgent,” or even plain “selfish.”

But I loved it. And I want to help you discover your truest, richest version of self-indulgent. 

You can’t begin to live your best dreams if you aren’t sure what you want – and here I offer some help with distinguishing who you are between society’s ‘should’ and your own empty ‘could.’

The field of psychoanalysis distinguishes a major difference between your “Ego” and your “Self.” I spend so much time trying to decide between somewhat trivial things, and I know what it feels like to completely spiral from a simple decision.

Being able to determine when you are listening to your Self or your Ego can help you get to the root of more of your issues and allow you to gain access into what you truly what from life. How frustrating is it to go from one place to another, one job to another, one relationship to another, all the while not ever expecting yourself to be fully happy?

It’s fucked up. It’s a huge waste of time. And that stops here.

To make everything a little simpler, I made the handy chart below:

Life is likea cup of tea.

As you can tell, our Egos are focused on being “good enough,” not “not having enough (money, love, friends, time),” and on what everyone else around us is doing.

Our Egos are not entirely bad – they’re what keep us from doing inappropriate things in front of other people and have probably even led us to a couple of good decisions.

However, Egos can also be responsible for us always “playing safe,” for rationalizing why we shouldn’t follow our dreams, or explore that idea, let alone construct a life of least resistance.

One of the most important things to note from the chart above is the concept of “higher” self esteem versus “lower” self esteem.

Essentially, “lower” self-esteem is far more fragile, and often those who have “lower” self-esteem tend to engage in more activities that reinforce a shallow sense of self-worth. For example, posting staged shots of a book, your laptop, and coffee on Instagram with a somewhat motivational/Girlboss-y caption without ever actually opening said book and returning to Netflix on your laptop post-Instagram-post. Those tiny, beautiful hearts start coming in and you feel great about yourself, but deep down you know that it’s fake. Not only that, but if someone were to dare suggest that you’re a fraud, or call you out in some way on that post, you would feel angry and embarrassed. Feeding your “lower” self-esteem can lead you to be much more defensive and potentially even to please everyone else around you before taking your own opinion into consideration.

However, when you stay true to your authentic Self, and make decisions for your benefit rather than to impress others, you are engaging with “higher” self-esteem. Have you ever made a decision that felt sooo right, that had you screaming YES at every turn? When something is so right, and so true, and is overwhelmingly resounding, it’s hard to give two shits what anyone else says or types in a comment. Because you’re happy. You’re over the damn moon and no one can take that away from you. That is higher self-esteem. 

I truly believe that making decisions from your Self is the most sure-fire way of being satisfied with the decision you made even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want. 

That is where that self-indulgent, positively-radiant glow comes from.

Today, stay Self-ish.

xoxo

Roshni

An Introduction To Beti Grew Up

Welcome, everyone! I am so excited to “meet” and connect with all of you!

I want to preface this blog by writing a more in-depth introduction to this brand and my personal story.

My name is Roshni, and I am a 23-year-old, Kenyan-born, Texas-raised, Indian lady who now lives in Colorado! Needless to say, my upbringing has been complex — but it’s given me insight into many different perspectives that I’ve implemented on my journey of personal growth and healing.

Beti Grew Up is a business focused on helping you create and cultivate your sense of self. My belief is that the better you take care of yourself, and the better you know who who are, the more enriched your life and your relationships will be.

As a third culture kid, a child of immigrants, and a first generation college student in the United States, I have had to create bridges between seemingly mutually exclusive worlds. I have had to navigate relationships with family members and peers who operate from a completely different perspective.

What I’ve learned through this all, is that anything is possible if you have a strong sense of self.

My story of navigating depression, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in a community of color has also contributed to my belief that a strong sense of self is something that you can cultivate at any time, and is the key to unleashing internalized messages about yourself, your culture, and your true sense of self. I’m sure that many millennials, or individuals for that matter, have grown up and watched members of their community battle with issues that were kept a secret or caused a lot of shame.

Seeing the consequences of this in my own life has inspired me to write and speak up about managing our emotions, providing real tips and exercises (that I’ve personally used) to begin to heal, and to foster a shame-free community to talk through our stories.

I started this blog partly to keep myself on track in my own whirlwind journey of personal growth, and to offer insight and advice to anyone who wants to tune in to their true selves.

In this blog, and on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp, I aim to:

A) help you understand and manage your emotions,
B) dissect what having a sense of self means, where our own sense of self comes from, and how to begin to change that story, and
C) create a community that strengthens one another to decolonize, to unlearn, to relearn, and to cultivate our best selves.

I post a new YouTube video every Wednesday, and you will see a new blog post here, every Saturday. If you want to reach out to me with your story, you can always email me at betigrewup@gmail.com.

If you want to follow my personal soc meds, I’ll be on Instagram as @rikk_r0sh

See you Sunday, and happy healing!

xoxo

Roshni

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