Always Jealous? Here’s How to Deal With it:

There’s nothing worse than floating around in a directionless space. But we have all experienced, most likely on a daily basis, ourselves constantly critiquing and comparing ourselves to everyone physically around us and in our newsfeeds.

The antidote to feeling lost? Using your Comparison Envy as a teaching tool for what you truly want.

A few years ago, I would feel a literal pang when I saw how many likes someone’s Instagram had, or saw how talented my friends’ pictures on social media were. Now, here I am, starting an online business, focusing on improving my photography and videography abilities, and finally feel like these are actual skills that I can work toward rather than a talent that just completely missed me.

I didn’t quite connect the dots at first, but looking back, had I paid closer attention to that comparison envy actually teaching me what I wanted for myself, I could have saved a lot of heartache by just admitting to myself that that’s what I wanted. Instead, I lost both time and confidence in pitying myself.

I don’t want you to lose this kind of precious time – I want you to be able to set it and get it

Don’t let yourself be pushed around by the comparison envy in your head. Instead, let it fuel your motivation and help you get to the bottom of what you truly want.

Journal Prompt:

1. Ask yourself why you are constantly comparing yourself to others, and what is at the core of the comparison.

2. What can you start doing, today, to help you reach the goal outlined by your comparison envy?

Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email, and let me know what your comparison envy has taught you!

xoxo,

Rosh

Managing Emotions: Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

I’m one of those people who frequently looks for ways to have my mind blown.

For the first time ever, I was introduced to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, and I feel like I have been reunited with a long-lost friend.

emotions wheel
Plutchick’s Wheel of Emotions

By looking at this graph, you can easily identify the “regions” in which we are allowing our emotions to  exist.

Seeing every emotion and feeling formatted in this way really helps me figure out where my head is and what I’m sacrificing in order to keep my energy in that place.

For example, the years that I spent essentially living in the dark, avoiding real activities and human interaction, kept me in the Sad, Mad, and Scared regions, but I realized that what I truly desired was in the Peaceful, Powerful, and Joyful regions.

Instead of doing things differently, I kept hiding and finding ways to play it safe when all I wanted was to feel confident, brave, and content.

Seeing this emotions chart helps me realize that as much as I want to believe some emotions are negative and some are positive, in all honesty, emotions don’t have that connotations in themselves.

Rather, it’s how we talk to ourselves about experiencing these emotions that drive home the feeling that certain emotions are bad or even punishable.

When the emotions are all listed like this, it makes me realize that every emotion is genuinely valid, and it makes me feel that I have some level of control over myself. It makes it much easier to realize that all of these emotions I am experiencing (feeling apathetic, angry, resentful, depressed) are not all so foreign from one another as I originally thought. This also helps me think about certain activities that I connect with many of these feelings.

Studying this chart has gifted me with an amazing new perspective – when I find myself “stuck” on one side of this emotion wheel, or truly feeling in a rut, I can look at the emotions that are on the opposite side and try to do at least one thing to foster that opposite and desired emotion.

For example, as I mentioned, I used to find myself skulking in my room in a Netflix-induced haze, all the while wanting to feel as confident and wholehearted as the women I was watching on the screen.

When I look at the emotions wheel, I can now see that during some of the worst times in my life, what I felt was remorseful, isolated, and apathetic. Now, I finally notice that across from these painful emotions live the emotions that I so deeply desired – emotions like creativity, optimism, and feeling energetic.

Sure, it can be extremely difficult to go from months of inactivity and Netflix binging to waking up at 6 am for a winter morning jog. Instead, I picked a positive emotion that seems both attainable and yet a break from my usual rut: creativity.

I can easily be creative from the confines of my bedroom, which still leaves me physically in a place of comfort, while I am stretching my mental boundaries and allowing myself to take steps outside of my comfort zone.

What is so great about creating is that it gives you a free arena in which to make decisions and to do things your own way with little to no consequences. I can color a whole page black, or splatter paint with no concept behind it, and no one can get hurt or blame me for screwing up. It’s safe, but it still helps me feel that I am making my own decisions, taking control, and not just being a passive and isolated binge-watching fanatic.

In the comments below, let me know – have you seen this emotions wheel before? If not, did it surprise you?

xoxo,

Rosh

Finding Flow + Self-Sustaining Happiness

self activity picI’m currently 23, and spend half of my time being productive and determined to achieve a set of goals, while the rest of my time is spent wondering what exactly I’m doing, where else I should be living, the other lives I could be leading, etc. etc.

It get’s damn tiring, to say the least.

I recently came across the concept of living in self-concordance, which means that you actually follow through with activities, goals, and habits that support your true Self. In my previous post, I discussed how to find the difference between your true, or Higher Self, and your Ego that often prioritizes society’s goals over our own. Understanding the difference is vital in knowing and achieving what we truly want out of life.

I currently work a professional, full-time job at an institution of higher education. Damn straight, it looks great on paper. But I often spend most of my time feeling on the outside.

I am a clear 20 years younger than most of my colleagues, and just a couple of years older than the college students who I employ. I find it easier to relate to my employees than my co-workers, but can’t be truly friends with the people who I relate to.

I’ve discovered that in this beautiful philosophy of living self-concordantly, it’s not about age, or status, or how easily you can explain your life on the internet. Instead, it’s about living in ways that benefit your Higher Self, the part of you that just wants to stretch its legs and explore and create and relate.

When you live self-concordantly, the idea isn’t that you will never face hardship again, or that life will halt completely for you to follow your dreams. However, chances are, when you make decisions that honor your Higher Self, you will feel a much stronger level of integrity with that decision and will often also have less regrets when it comes to following through with that path. 

When we make things about a quantified number, such as test scores, likes/followers on social media, or the numbers on our paycheck, we can often fixate directly on these outside sources to develop and maintain our self-worth.

Living in self-concordance does not mean that you have to have a Walden-esque experience in a cabin alone. Rather, we can start small by practicing activities that help us achieve flow. 

Achieving flow is important because it connects us to a greater perspective. Some believe that the essence of being human is to relate to the outside world through your own unique perspective.

Therefore, being human isn’t about following an exact path, or recreating what has already been done, but rather finding ways in which you feel most alive and connected to the world. 

When you are completely in flow, standing in front of a canvas or sitting down at a potter’s wheel, do you think about what happiness is, or what the purpose is of you creating that painting or bringing the clay utensil to life?

In the moment of flow, it doesn’t make sense to question why you are doing what you’re doing. Instead, you are fully engaged with the all the sensations, the sights, smells, and sounds in your world. You are connecting with your experiences. You are practicing self-concordance.

In moments of flow, I sometimes get flashbacks to different memories or even solutions to questions I have been pondering. I am not purposely trying to make these things come up, but when you give your conscious mind a bit of a rest, the tranquility can often spur you onto bigger and better things. How many of us have had some of our best ideas when we are relaxed in the shower?

It is so important to practice this quiet meditation and peacefulness of achieving flow in our daily lives. Giving yourself this gift of zoning out and entering a distant world away from questioning your purpose, your next steps, and your five-year plan can help you be more mindful and connected to your true Self.

When we choose to practice meditation in flow, we have access to a deep sensation of mindfulness. This allows us to find ways to stay connected to what we find important so that we can deal with all the rest.

  1. When you allow your Self to just be is when you begin to understand your Self. 
  2. Understanding our Selves is the first step to living self-concordantly.
  3. Living Self-concordantly is the best way to make decisions that we are proud of and satisfied with.

If you can’t remember the last time you were lost in flow, don’t worry! Here are a few simple activities that you can do to help you find and regain flow:

Flow with Art:

  • Using any kind of art medium (paint, crayon, colored pencil) color an entire page one solid color.
  • Using a pen or pencil, draw a repetitive pattern on a page without lifting the tip of your pen or pencil. You could draw circles, the infinity sign, hearts, etc. Just continue without lifting the utensil until you have covered a page in the design.

Flow with Food:

  • Cook a meal, recipe, or dish that you know from heart. And take your time with it. Even if it’s just a grilled cheese, make one so damn good you could sell it as an appetizer at a gentrified restaurant for $30. 

Flow through your Space:

  • For some, (like me) doing dishes or cleaning can also help you zone out and get into a flow. Find something that isn’t too stressful, like vacuuming or wiping down all the countertops to help you regain that connection.

Flow with Nature:

  • Go on a walk outside. I love listening to podcasts while I walk, but in this case, try to find a playlist, album, or podcast that is about 5 – 10 minutes shorter than the walk you are going to take. Ease into it, and when the podcast or music ends, continue the remainder of your walk in silence. This can help ease you into a meditative state without even realizing it!

If you have other ways of achieving flow, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

xoxo,

Rosh

An Introduction To Beti Grew Up

Welcome, everyone! I am so excited to “meet” and connect with all of you!

I want to preface this blog by writing a more in-depth introduction to this brand and my personal story.

My name is Roshni, and I am a 23-year-old, Kenyan-born, Texas-raised, Indian lady who now lives in Colorado! Needless to say, my upbringing has been complex — but it’s given me insight into many different perspectives that I’ve implemented on my journey of personal growth and healing.

Beti Grew Up is a business focused on helping you create and cultivate your sense of self. My belief is that the better you take care of yourself, and the better you know who who are, the more enriched your life and your relationships will be.

As a third culture kid, a child of immigrants, and a first generation college student in the United States, I have had to create bridges between seemingly mutually exclusive worlds. I have had to navigate relationships with family members and peers who operate from a completely different perspective.

What I’ve learned through this all, is that anything is possible if you have a strong sense of self.

My story of navigating depression, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in a community of color has also contributed to my belief that a strong sense of self is something that you can cultivate at any time, and is the key to unleashing internalized messages about yourself, your culture, and your true sense of self. I’m sure that many millennials, or individuals for that matter, have grown up and watched members of their community battle with issues that were kept a secret or caused a lot of shame.

Seeing the consequences of this in my own life has inspired me to write and speak up about managing our emotions, providing real tips and exercises (that I’ve personally used) to begin to heal, and to foster a shame-free community to talk through our stories.

I started this blog partly to keep myself on track in my own whirlwind journey of personal growth, and to offer insight and advice to anyone who wants to tune in to their true selves.

In this blog, and on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp, I aim to:

A) help you understand and manage your emotions,
B) dissect what having a sense of self means, where our own sense of self comes from, and how to begin to change that story, and
C) create a community that strengthens one another to decolonize, to unlearn, to relearn, and to cultivate our best selves.

I post a new YouTube video every Wednesday, and you will see a new blog post here, every Saturday. If you want to reach out to me with your story, you can always email me at betigrewup@gmail.com.

If you want to follow my personal soc meds, I’ll be on Instagram as @rikk_r0sh

See you Sunday, and happy healing!

xoxo

Roshni

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