What You Can Learn From My Scam Story

Important Lessons from

I get a call from someone impersonating an officer, with all my information, concerned about missing a court appearance for jury duty.

Not only have I never even been called in to jury duty, but I have also never had any experience with missing a court date.

I fell into the trap of listening to this asshole go on about how I could either go in for an arrest, today, or make a payment, today. He scammed me out of $1000, and if you want to know more about the story and what happened, let me know in the comments – I’d be happy to make a video about the details of the scam!

After navigating through the shame, embarrassment, and anger of being tricked out of losing a significant amount of money, I was at an emotional crossroads. I felt like I could either take this as a sign that I shouldn’t run my own business, or that I will never be able to handle my own money, or I could use this time to prove to the universe that I’m serious. Serious about my business, serious about my financial future, and someone who won’t back down from my dreams.

Lesson One: Money is a Tool // You Are More Than Your Bank Account.

I have heard so many wellness coaches and authors mention this, and though I have been trying to incorporate this into my perspective, I felt like a part of me was dismissive of this story because the people who were telling me this also had more than enough to cover their basic expenses.

I felt like I had to earn a certain amount before I could truly let myself believe that money is a tool.

Even though my account totals have dropped, I know that I have never missed a rent payment, I still generally feel safe, and now I know that I would never fall for such a thing again.

I can wait around forever to have enough money before I finally “fix” my relationship with money, or truly allow myself to feel like I deserve it.

Or, I could realize that what I actually want is to be able to support myself with my business, to be somewhat location-independent, and to feel supported through the relationships in my life.

I wasn’t angry that I was manipulated out of my money, I was mad that I was manipulated out of what that money represented to me: freedom. 

Think about what money represents for you – focus on that. I don’t have piles and piles of cash, but I truly recognize that money is not an end in itself. Money is a means to the life you truly want.

Don’t give it more power than you need to.

When we get stuck using measuring our self-worth through quantified terms, it will never be enough. You can get so focused on increasing the numbers in your bank account, or losing more and more weight, or getting a perfect test score in a shorter amount of time, that you honestly forget what it’s all for.

And I urge you to remember what the bottom line is and what your true motives are. Because when something happens, like you get scammed and you lose some money, or gain some weight back, or when you have a bad test day, that can be all it takes for you to lose all of your self-worth.

Your sense of worthiness is not quantifiable, so stop telling yourself it is! 

Lesson Two: You Can Only Control the Power you Give to a Situation.

I could spend the rest of the holidays skulking around about how I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and paranoid about someone out there who knows my information. Sure, I genuinely felt all of these things. But I choose not to give this situation more power than it needs.

Looking back on my college experience, I can think of an entire list of times I had been betrayed, wronged, or manipulated. 

Not all of those times were as serious as being scammed, but plenty of them sent me into emotional turmoil far worse than what I am experiencing now.

The reason is because I saw myself as weak, powerless, and only a victim of what was going on around me. 

In reality, other than aging a few years, and switching from being a full-time student to a full-time employee, not much has tangibly changed in my life.

But what is different is my perspective on how to deal with negative situations. The point is, shit happens. It will look differently in all of our lives, but we will all be let down at some point.

In any of these situations, you have the power to chose how you feel and how you will deal with the situation. 

Do you want to be defined by your struggles, or by what you accomplished in spite of them?

Empathize with yourself and allow yourself to feel hurt. Then pick yourself up and keep going. Make changes, redefine relationships, do what you need to do to heal.

But don’t stop being you.

xoxo,

Rosh

Always Jealous? Here’s How to Deal With it:

There’s nothing worse than floating around in a directionless space. But we have all experienced, most likely on a daily basis, ourselves constantly critiquing and comparing ourselves to everyone physically around us and in our newsfeeds.

The antidote to feeling lost? Using your Comparison Envy as a teaching tool for what you truly want.

A few years ago, I would feel a literal pang when I saw how many likes someone’s Instagram had, or saw how talented my friends’ pictures on social media were. Now, here I am, starting an online business, focusing on improving my photography and videography abilities, and finally feel like these are actual skills that I can work toward rather than a talent that just completely missed me.

I didn’t quite connect the dots at first, but looking back, had I paid closer attention to that comparison envy actually teaching me what I wanted for myself, I could have saved a lot of heartache by just admitting to myself that that’s what I wanted. Instead, I lost both time and confidence in pitying myself.

I don’t want you to lose this kind of precious time – I want you to be able to set it and get it

Don’t let yourself be pushed around by the comparison envy in your head. Instead, let it fuel your motivation and help you get to the bottom of what you truly want.

Journal Prompt:

1. Ask yourself why you are constantly comparing yourself to others, and what is at the core of the comparison.

2. What can you start doing, today, to help you reach the goal outlined by your comparison envy?

Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email, and let me know what your comparison envy has taught you!

xoxo,

Rosh

How to Visualize and Manifest your Goals

visualize & manifest your goals

 

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of my recent dreams of actually having a festive holiday season, on my terms, has been coming true.

I wanted to explore this story a little more, and talk about my first-ever experience with visualization and manifestation. I have been exploring this topic recently, and learned that some of my favorite lifestyle bloggers, YouTubers, and authors strongly believe in the power of visualizing and using this tactic as a stepping stone to manifesting their dreams.

I have been so intrigued by this topic that I decided to add it to my habit tracker so that I would remember to set aside a little time every day to think about what I truly wanted.

I’m not gonna lie – a lot of this process started out in a stressful way. I was constantly worried that I wasn’t “visualizing correctly” or that I wasn’t focused and meditative enough. I felt like sometimes I would dream and visualize about living on an island, sometimes I would focus on running a successful business, but there wasn’t one overall lifestyle or goal that I was picturing myself living.

I kept visualizing the fantasies that I would see on my Pinterest boards rather than actually picturing how a particular thing would look in my life. 

In the past, I’ve never really been able to choose what I’m doing or where I’m going during the holiday season. This year, I took a stand to celebrate the holidays my way. I was able to buy a later ticket to see my family, so that I could spend the holiday season with my boyfriend in my cozy Colorado landscape without actually upsetting my parents.

When I finally felt like I had some level of control over my plans without being guilt-tripped or feeling like I was letting everyone down, I was finally able to focus in on what I really wanted. 

I started picturing even more fairy lights strung up all around my apartment, and a sweet little christmas tree with classy ornaments in the corner by the window, and started dreaming of all the delicious desserts I would whip up for Christmas day.

Last weekend, when my boyfriend and I went to his parents house for dinner, his mom gave us a pre-lit Christmas tree, strings of fairy lights, and even tons of festive ornaments. It all fell into my lap, and as soon as we got home my boyfriend out the exact corner I was visualizing as the perfect home for our new tree.

It was such a small manifestation, but it left me looking at this holiday season with completely new eyes.

Peeling back the layers of what I truly want compared to what I should want (being in Texas with my parents) has allowed me to shift my perspective. Instead of making myself feel bad that I’m not the perfect Indian daughter, I now realize that all I can truly do is follow what I want and figure out how it’s all going to work.

But ignoring my dreams to potentially make others happy while I choose to lead a life of quiet resentment is just not an option for me. 

Here are a couple of things to remember when visualizing goals in your own life:

  1. It’s better to start small than not at all.
    1. Maybe you don’t know what you want, or what your future holds, and you sure don’t have time for any  kind of commitment. But you know you want to be out on Saturday night, looking your best in that one certain dress. Or you can at least agree that a roadtrip or vaca with your besties is exactly what you need. Picking just one thing that you know you want can start to uncover other hidden dreams that you’ve kept at bay. 
  2. Focus in on the details
    1. An important aspect of visualization that you’ll hear all the experts talk about is to not get attached to how a certain dream will manifest. For example, I never would have thought that my boyfriend’s mom would have magically gifted us a Christmas tree. But, I did focus in on visualizing the tree, and the lights, and the ornaments themselves. The more specific you are about a certain goal, the better. 
  3. Picture it in your own life
    1. There is a difference between fantasizing about someone else’s life and actually visualizing accomplishing your goals in your own life. When I pictured the tree, I pictured exactly how it would look in my apartment, where it would go, and how it would make me feel. That is visualizing and manifesting in your own life. What I didn’t do is just go on Pinterest or Instagram to stalk other people’s perfect holiday decorations and get caught in a loop of envy. Even if you aren’t soaked in negativity or envy, when you start visualizing how a goal would truly look like for you, it becomes much more real. This is the difference between a daydream or a far-off thought and actually visualizing and manifesting your future. 

In the comments below, let me know if you’ve ever had an experience with visualizing and/or manifestation!

If not, did this post give you some visualization – inspo?

xoxo,

Rosh

Start Your Manifestation Journey with this Mantra

In the past week, I have re-framed my mindset to this: Set It + Get It. 

It’s that simple.

What’s important to note is that half the work is in setting the goal itself.

And you know why?

Because we get tripped up in thoughts like this:

“what’s the point of it all anyway? what’s the difference if I just stay where I am one more year? What’s the point of taking a risk when I can just play it safe? What if they make fun of me? What if they doubt me? What if they call me an imposter? I am an imposter… I’m out of my league. I’m not good enough. I’m fine with the way everything is, right?”

…and so on.

We have a flicker of an idea of a goal that we want to achieve, and we don’t even give ourselves time to write the goal down or process it before we convince ourselves to just move on or to stop dreaming.

Achieving goals is like building a muscle but it’s something that we can do. We just have to figure out where we want to go, what we want to do, and connect that bridge from where we are now.

For example, this year, I decided that I truly want to design the holiday season of my dreams. This doesn’t mean spending explosive amounts of money, but it meant creating a space for myself, in my adult home and adult life, to truly feel like I am creating my own traditions and not just playing the role of a child anymore. It’s so nice to give back, to choose who I want to give gifts to, set boundaries for those gifts (i.e. minimalist gifts, gifts under a certain budget range, etc.) so that I’m not left to start 2018 on a stressed and broke note.

I realized that because of family feuds, travel, spending money, and just general chaos, that holidays had always stressed and overwhelmed me.

I never thought that I could make the holidays my own because for so long in my life, it meant sacrificing what I truly wanted in order to make everyone else around me happy.

Deep down, I knew what I wanted, but I felt like I didn’t deserve it. 

Because again, as soon as we have a glimmer of an idea of what we truly want, we are bombarded with:

“am I good enough? What does this all mean? Have I proved enough? What if everyone thinks that I don’t love them? What if this blows up in my face?”

As soon as we can let go of the self-doubt, the self-torment, the agonizing self-indulgence, we can finally admit our own goals.

In my case, it was that I wanted a great holiday on my own terms, my way.

Admit the goals. Set it, and get it.

When I talk about setting a goal, it’s about making the decision to stick to that goal and to keep striving towards it every single day. As I said, making it happen was a fraction of the work compared to just setting the goal in the first place.

Once I could admit what I truly wanted (to feel like I am in charge of my life and control over this tumultuous season), it was as simple as setting up a Christmas tree, snagging some gifts I’m excited about, and deciding on some homemade holiday treats to set my new traditions.

Forget your negativity, Set your goals and desires, and Get started on making it all happen.

xoxo,

Rosh

 

Managing Emotions: Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

I’m one of those people who frequently looks for ways to have my mind blown.

For the first time ever, I was introduced to Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, and I feel like I have been reunited with a long-lost friend.

emotions wheel

Plutchick’s Wheel of Emotions

By looking at this graph, you can easily identify the “regions” in which we are allowing our emotions to  exist.

Seeing every emotion and feeling formatted in this way really helps me figure out where my head is and what I’m sacrificing in order to keep my energy in that place.

For example, the years that I spent essentially living in the dark, avoiding real activities and human interaction, kept me in the Sad, Mad, and Scared regions, but I realized that what I truly desired was in the Peaceful, Powerful, and Joyful regions.

Instead of doing things differently, I kept hiding and finding ways to play it safe when all I wanted was to feel confident, brave, and content.

Seeing this emotions chart helps me realize that as much as I want to believe some emotions are negative and some are positive, in all honesty, emotions don’t have that connotations in themselves.

Rather, it’s how we talk to ourselves about experiencing these emotions that drive home the feeling that certain emotions are bad or even punishable.

When the emotions are all listed like this, it makes me realize that every emotion is genuinely valid, and it makes me feel that I have some level of control over myself. It makes it much easier to realize that all of these emotions I am experiencing (feeling apathetic, angry, resentful, depressed) are not all so foreign from one another as I originally thought. This also helps me think about certain activities that I connect with many of these feelings.

Studying this chart has gifted me with an amazing new perspective – when I find myself “stuck” on one side of this emotion wheel, or truly feeling in a rut, I can look at the emotions that are on the opposite side and try to do at least one thing to foster that opposite and desired emotion.

For example, as I mentioned, I used to find myself skulking in my room in a Netflix-induced haze, all the while wanting to feel as confident and wholehearted as the women I was watching on the screen.

When I look at the emotions wheel, I can now see that during some of the worst times in my life, what I felt was remorseful, isolated, and apathetic. Now, I finally notice that across from these painful emotions live the emotions that I so deeply desired – emotions like creativity, optimism, and feeling energetic.

Sure, it can be extremely difficult to go from months of inactivity and Netflix binging to waking up at 6 am for a winter morning jog. Instead, I picked a positive emotion that seems both attainable and yet a break from my usual rut: creativity.

I can easily be creative from the confines of my bedroom, which still leaves me physically in a place of comfort, while I am stretching my mental boundaries and allowing myself to take steps outside of my comfort zone.

What is so great about creating is that it gives you a free arena in which to make decisions and to do things your own way with little to no consequences. I can color a whole page black, or splatter paint with no concept behind it, and no one can get hurt or blame me for screwing up. It’s safe, but it still helps me feel that I am making my own decisions, taking control, and not just being a passive and isolated binge-watching fanatic.

In the comments below, let me know – have you seen this emotions wheel before? If not, did it surprise you?

xoxo,

Rosh

Self-Care + Self-Love Aren’t Selfish.

self-care is not self-ishAs 2018 quickly approaches, I, along with every other boss out there, are setting goals for the new year.

Setting goals doesn’t have to just circulate around money, weight, and test scores.

Instead, we can set goals about our approach, our mindset, and our intentions.

One of my goals for 2018 is to tap into Overflowing Joy. 

In 2017, I truly discovered doing things for the hell of it. I finally pushed myself out of the mental confines of my depression and the physical confines of my apartment, and I was finally able to enjoy doing things. period.

When you spend time being depressed, it’s so easy to feel like nothing has a purpose, nothing is enjoyable, and everything just feels completely draining. For so long, I got in the mindset of only doing what I had to do, not doing things that I wanted to do.

Not only did this make doing things an even bigger obligation, but I forgot what the point was of doing anything if someone wasn’t telling me to (i.e. doing something for work, or school or because your lovely friends are finally dragging you out).

Recently, I’ve been taking advantage of the 2 hours in every Colorado winter when the sun is out and the temperature is bearable to take long, luxurious walks with my dog and my podcasts.

I have found beauty and hope in activities of self-love.

I used to feel like I could only enjoy truly nice things every once in awhile, and that no one was satisfied or content 100% of the time. Even when you look up the word luxury, its synonyms are words like “self-indulgent” and “hedonistic,” words that seem entirely negative and punishing.

What I realize now is that I was seeing everything through a mindset of scarcity, instead of learning to live an abundant life of joy, love, and care. Is there truly a reason why life shouldn’t be delicious all the time?

Self-love is not selfish.

Self-care is not selfish.

From now on, I vow to do things purely for joy.

Maybe you don’t have hours to spend walking and exploring in the sun, but you can carve out 20 minutes twice a week to take an extravagant bath as your own secret me-time. The point is that you spoil yourself in a beautiful way, that you do something that makes you smile to yourself, and that you fill yourself with so much joy that you cannot help but radiate that to the world.

It’s about damn time we stop demonizing people who pamper themselves, and instead look at self-care through a lense of abundance rather than scarcity.

How will you choose abundance?

Mind, Body, Soul: Personalize Your Self-Care Routine

personalize your self-care (1)Whether you’re exhausted after an endless array of holiday parties and rich boozy drinks, or you’re just trying to start 2018 off with your strongest foot forward, self-care is absolutely essential at this time of year.

When you look for self-care ideas on Google or Pinterest, you often find tons of examples along the lines of aromatherapy, taking a nice bath, or walking outside. But what is important is that while all self-care may not look the same, there are some things that may help you or be more beneficial to you than others in specific situations.

I have created a way to optimize self-care by focusing on mind, body, and soul. 

Sometimes, we take care of our mind by reading, listening to podcasts, and taking in as much information as possible. Sometimes, we take care of our body by pushing ourselves to the next limit in our workouts and by trying new thins with our diet. All of these are great on their own. But we can get so wrapped up in these things that we also forget to focus on the third part of our self-care trinity: the soul. 

By soul, I don’t mean to get overly spiritual. What I mean is the regular-check in with your self to see how you’re feeling emotionally, and if you feel that you are fulfilled in the deepest personal sense. 

This exercise is as simple as one question, three answers.
 
  1. What does my mind need?
  2. What does my body need?
  3. What does my soul need?
 
I’ll give you an example of how I used this exercise this morning:
  •      My mind needs to stop overthinking.
  •      My body needs to keep moving around.
  •      My soul needs to feel free and unbound.

After answering these three questions, I realized that I needed to be outside, with no car, no purse, nothing but my house keys and my phone to listen to podcasts, and my $5 in case I want a coffee. I needed to feel free, feel connected to the sun and wind and nothing else. Sometimes, getting “lost” in this way helps me feel incredibly un-lost, it helps me feel like I belong in my own existence, and sometimes that exact feeling is what I need to stop second-guessing myself in my creative work and instead to start believing in myself even more. 

And another example of how I answered these questions earlier this week:

  •      My mind needs to focus on just one thing at a time.
  •      My body needs some stillness and full breaths.
  •      My soul wants to feel at peace, and that I am moving forward in a way that my inner mentor would be proud of.

The middle of this week was particularly hard for me – I had some family issues going on, and a lot of guilt and not-good-enough to deal with. I realized how much my tendency of feeling not-good-enough turned into trying to be a perfectionist, or to busy myself into checking off every task on every list just to prove my worth.

Instead, this exercise helped me realize that instead of filling up my schedule, I needed to do the opposite. I needed to find some white space. I needed to get comfortable with nothingness.

I hope that this helps you to think about self-care as a need, and why it is important to prioritize mind, body, and soul.

xoxo,
Roshni

Scheduling Time for Self-Care, Creativity + Managing Anxiety (video)

I created a video on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp about mastering habit trackers and organizing activities of self-love into your daily or weekly routines.

Subscribe to my channel for more videos on self-discovery, self-care, and mental-health-related topics. My upcoming video series is focused on what contributes to our sense of self and how we can take control of our lives. New videos are up every Wednesday!

Finding Flow + Self-Sustaining Happiness

self activity picI’m currently 23, and spend half of my time being productive and determined to achieve a set of goals, while the rest of my time is spent wondering what exactly I’m doing, where else I should be living, the other lives I could be leading, etc. etc.

It get’s damn tiring, to say the least.

I recently came across the concept of living in self-concordance, which means that you actually follow through with activities, goals, and habits that support your true Self. In my previous post, I discussed how to find the difference between your true, or Higher Self, and your Ego that often prioritizes society’s goals over our own. Understanding the difference is vital in knowing and achieving what we truly want out of life.

I currently work a professional, full-time job at an institution of higher education. Damn straight, it looks great on paper. But I often spend most of my time feeling on the outside.

I am a clear 20 years younger than most of my colleagues, and just a couple of years older than the college students who I employ. I find it easier to relate to my employees than my co-workers, but can’t be truly friends with the people who I relate to.

I’ve discovered that in this beautiful philosophy of living self-concordantly, it’s not about age, or status, or how easily you can explain your life on the internet. Instead, it’s about living in ways that benefit your Higher Self, the part of you that just wants to stretch its legs and explore and create and relate.

When you live self-concordantly, the idea isn’t that you will never face hardship again, or that life will halt completely for you to follow your dreams. However, chances are, when you make decisions that honor your Higher Self, you will feel a much stronger level of integrity with that decision and will often also have less regrets when it comes to following through with that path. 

When we make things about a quantified number, such as test scores, likes/followers on social media, or the numbers on our paycheck, we can often fixate directly on these outside sources to develop and maintain our self-worth.

Living in self-concordance does not mean that you have to have a Walden-esque experience in a cabin alone. Rather, we can start small by practicing activities that help us achieve flow. 

Achieving flow is important because it connects us to a greater perspective. Some believe that the essence of being human is to relate to the outside world through your own unique perspective.

Therefore, being human isn’t about following an exact path, or recreating what has already been done, but rather finding ways in which you feel most alive and connected to the world. 

When you are completely in flow, standing in front of a canvas or sitting down at a potter’s wheel, do you think about what happiness is, or what the purpose is of you creating that painting or bringing the clay utensil to life?

In the moment of flow, it doesn’t make sense to question why you are doing what you’re doing. Instead, you are fully engaged with the all the sensations, the sights, smells, and sounds in your world. You are connecting with your experiences. You are practicing self-concordance.

In moments of flow, I sometimes get flashbacks to different memories or even solutions to questions I have been pondering. I am not purposely trying to make these things come up, but when you give your conscious mind a bit of a rest, the tranquility can often spur you onto bigger and better things. How many of us have had some of our best ideas when we are relaxed in the shower?

It is so important to practice this quiet meditation and peacefulness of achieving flow in our daily lives. Giving yourself this gift of zoning out and entering a distant world away from questioning your purpose, your next steps, and your five-year plan can help you be more mindful and connected to your true Self.

When we choose to practice meditation in flow, we have access to a deep sensation of mindfulness. This allows us to find ways to stay connected to what we find important so that we can deal with all the rest.

  1. When you allow your Self to just be is when you begin to understand your Self. 
  2. Understanding our Selves is the first step to living self-concordantly.
  3. Living Self-concordantly is the best way to make decisions that we are proud of and satisfied with.

If you can’t remember the last time you were lost in flow, don’t worry! Here are a few simple activities that you can do to help you find and regain flow:

Flow with Art:

  • Using any kind of art medium (paint, crayon, colored pencil) color an entire page one solid color.
  • Using a pen or pencil, draw a repetitive pattern on a page without lifting the tip of your pen or pencil. You could draw circles, the infinity sign, hearts, etc. Just continue without lifting the utensil until you have covered a page in the design.

Flow with Food:

  • Cook a meal, recipe, or dish that you know from heart. And take your time with it. Even if it’s just a grilled cheese, make one so damn good you could sell it as an appetizer at a gentrified restaurant for $30. 

Flow through your Space:

  • For some, (like me) doing dishes or cleaning can also help you zone out and get into a flow. Find something that isn’t too stressful, like vacuuming or wiping down all the countertops to help you regain that connection.

Flow with Nature:

  • Go on a walk outside. I love listening to podcasts while I walk, but in this case, try to find a playlist, album, or podcast that is about 5 – 10 minutes shorter than the walk you are going to take. Ease into it, and when the podcast or music ends, continue the remainder of your walk in silence. This can help ease you into a meditative state without even realizing it!

If you have other ways of achieving flow, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

xoxo,

Rosh

How to Stick with New Year’s Resolutions

BLOG christmas pic

Christmas and the New Year are now officially around the corner, and my heart is getting fuzzy just thinking of coffee, fireplaces, and bundling myself in blankets.

However, other than spending too much money and potential family drama, New Year’s Resolutions put the angel on the Christmas tree as my least favorite aspects of the holiday season.

Yes, I consider myself to be a productive goal-setter. However, I can’t remember the last time I set a New Year’s Resolution. The stigma of how many people break them by January 15th made me want to take myself out of the equation completely.

However, setting goals, and sticking to them, may not be as hard as you think.

Today, I bring you some Education Psychology via Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy to break it all down.

Self-Efficacy is one’s own belief in themselves to accomplish a task. 

So let’s say that finally committing to that gym membership is your chosen task or resolution.

Your belief in your ability to get up at 5 am, or to stop at the gym before you even get home from work, will contribute to whether you cancel that gym membership by January 15th of the new year. This is a prime example of making sure that we are

Self-efficacy is built from your own past experiences, the experiences of those around you, and the stories that you tell yourself and that others tell you. 

Have you ever worked out at a gym in the past?

Were you ever an athlete, or very active as a child?

Were you surrounded by friends and family who valued exercising?

Are you someone who believes that you will achieve anything that you put your mind to?

The key is to reel in the Chandler-Bing-esque-self-hate and to instead tell ourselves, that today, “Out of my 14 waking hours, I will spend one hour at the gym.”

But it’s just not our own stories that we tell ourselves, it’s what other people have told us our whole lives.

Was there a coach or trainer who always pushed you harder?

Did you have a support system that believed you?

Was it the lack of a support system that made you believe in yourself so much damn harder?

We have control over our own self-efficacy, and we can rewrite our stories at any time. Here’s how:

  1. Our self-efficacy can shift based on our mood. Find the time of day, or time of week, best fit to practice your new year’s resolution. Will you be more receptive in the morning? Or does it make more sense for you to burn out any energy and stress that you’ve acquired at the end of the day?
  2. We can trick our brain into building self-efficacy by visualizing us accomplishing the task at hand. Visualize, visualize, visualize. Spend each day, picturing yourself doing the thing. So picture you’re poppin’ body in those Lululemon leggings, or visualize you shredding out of that muscle tee. Picture the water bottle you will take with you, and the time of day you have set aside for that hobby or task.
  3. We can build self-efficacy by breaking what is unknown (going to the gym) with smaller tasks that we are comfortable with. Sure, maybe you haven’t been to the gym in about 5 years, and nothing about that is comforting. But you have picked out clothes before, you have created dope AF playlists before, and you have refilled that water bottle about 300 times. Start small. Break down each major, looming task into something that is so small that it is silly not to do it. (i.e., refilling that water bottle.) Not only will this get you steps closer towards accomplishing your goal, but taking any form of action, with the overall goal in mind, is a step towards building our self-efficacy towards that task. (And if you’re like me, this is a wonderful excuse to make a list (!!) and then to cross things off of it.)

Together, regardless of what your goals or resolutions are, let’s be a little less like Chandler and a little more like Phoebe running through central park.

xoxo,

Rosh

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