How to Connect with your Intuition

Connect w your IntuitionDeveloping intuition and trust in ourselves is incredibly important – especially for South Asian women, or all women for that matter! In a culture and world where we, as women, are constantly told what to do and how to do it, it’s so vital to develop a relationship with your self and to decide who you truly want to be in this world. Without developing this connection to our intuition, we can go our entire lives playing by the rules and only doing what others demand of us.
I know how hard it can be to even know what your intuition is supposed to sound like and how to really know if your thoughts and actions are representative of your true self, so I created this list of small ways that you can start to be more intuitive in your daily life.
Intuition is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it the more you know how it sounds and what it is leading you towards. The more that you listen to and respect your intuition, the more easily you can live Self-Concordantly and truly develop a strong sense of self.
Intuition is defined as “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts: Often there’s no clear evidence one way or the other and you just have to base your judgment on intuition,” by the Cambridge English Dictionary. While this may seem like it could be a trivial because it isn’t based on any rationale, developing Intuition is imperative because there are many decisions in life that cannot be based on rationale.
When it comes to finding a life partner, or deciding on a career path, or a new place to move – there are many situations in life that aren’t black and white and that take more than a pro-con list to decipher.
Here are three ways to start developing your intuition today:
  1. Start making choices intuitively – We make tons of choices every day – how we want to dress, what we want to eat, which workout we are doing that day, the affirmations we want to use, the tarot card we pull, the essential oils we diffuse. These choices are all frequent and have little to no consequences – you won’t be at stake of ruining your life if you choose a “bad” essential oil combo. Instead of falling back on your usual routine or making these daily decisions on autopilot, try to be a little more mindful for a week and see what your intuition draws you towards. Making these minute decisions can help you express your intuition without any fear that it will lead you off-track.
  2. When you have a tough decision to make, instead of running to your best friend or significant other for their opinion, journal it out. You may have heard of your “inner child,” but have you heard of your “inner mentor?” Both of these practices are great for developing your intuition. Grab your journal or some paper, and ask your inner Mentor (the older, wiser version of you), or your Inner Child (the younger, more fun, more carefree version of you) what they think you should do. Not only does this help you to look at your Self in a more holistic view, it will help you change how you look at time. This exercise allows you to feel as if you are asking someone for advice, but keeps the conversation pure rather than factoring in someone else’s fears and insecurities into the mix. It also teaches you that you are capable of making a decision without someone else’s approval. As someone who definitely used to be a people-pleaser, it can be shocking to realize how easily you can make a decision without having to get every single person’s approval first.
  3. This last one takes a little more imagination, but it is completely worth it. This is a visualization practice in which you think back on past memories of yourself when you were a child in distress. It is incredibly important that you let these memories come to you (it might even take a few days) and that you do not force yourself to relive or re-encounter anything that is too painful for you. In fact, the only memories that I have felt comfortable revisiting from my childhood have been memories before the age of 10, because my intuition has not guided me to revisit any painful memories from high school or college yet.
 When you revisit these memories, do not put yourself back in your skin, but instead watch them like a movie or like a still-shot in your mind. It is as if you, as an adult, are looking back over your past and connecting with your hurt inner child. When you see yourself as a child, being hurt, confused, and/or lost, allow yourself to enter this memory as the adult you are now and offer your younger self a hug, some comforting words, and just compassion in general.
I often picture my older self going back to my younger self when she is in a moment of panic or grief, holding her in a hug and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Not only does this make me feel like I am a compassionate and responsible adult, but it makes the younger version of me feel less hurt and abandoned. It feels like someone came back for her, and that she had someone looking out for her all along. Our inner children are generally creative and fun-loving, so offering this part of yourself compassion and healing can help repair the intuitive freedom and openness that often gets trapped and squandered with both trauma and age.
I cannot stress enough, however, to only do this with past memories that you are comfortable revisiting. I do not want you to rush this process and force yourself to revisit painful memories that leave you feel worn down, depressive, and at a loss for energy. Just finding these memories is a practice of intuition in itself – allow your Self to take on this exercise with the intention of healing (and any other intention that you may set) and let these memories come to you. You may even encounter some memories that you wouldn’t have otherwise remembered, but that still had a lasting effect on you.
Which exercise are you most excited to try? Let me know in the comments below!
As always, if you have any questions about these exercises or want to get in touch with me, email me!
Love + Light,
Roshni

Suffering is not a norm.

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Is it possible for Communities of Color to balance their cultural history without normalizing suffering?

Last night, I was at dinner with a friend from the Latinx community, and we began to talk about our lives and our current struggles. Inevitably, we had barely caught up on our struggles before we started qualifying them with one another and comparing them to the struggle of our parents.

For all immigrants and third-culture kids, it’s pretty safe to say that most of us understand suffering and have grown up with stories of our parents’ struggles – politically and financially.

It’s important for us to recount these stories and to understand and value our family history, especially when these are the stories that are often left behind by history books, movies, and novels.

However, is there a point when retelling these stories normalizes suffering?

As much as it is important to use the struggles of our parents and ancestors to motivate us, it can be extremely isolating and devaluing to compare your own life and struggles with the ones of past generations.

So many of us are told that we should stop complaining about negative comments, or bullying in school, or struggling with our education or peer groups because our parents had it worse. I think that there is a valuable lesson of human perseverance here. But I also think that repeating the idea that “other people have it worse” can be incredibly unproductive.

These ideas can even leak into conversations of mental health.

In my personal experience with depression, I have experienced it both as a result of grief and emotional abuse, and as a recurring illness. When I was 16, my grandmother passed away, and her sudden death and all the family drama surrounding it brought me into one of the deepest depressions of my life. She got sick and passed away in the span of 3 months – between August and October.

For about 6 full years after this experience, I would struggle with depression during those months like clockwork. Nothing had to happen, and it wasn’t brought on by a different traumatic experience every time. In fact, it often came up when everything else in my life was relatively normal and stable. It can make you feel completely crazy when your brain and body are telling you that nothing matters, that we all die anyway, and that life is full of suffering.

The first time I opened up to my parents about depression and the way I was feeling was when I was 16. The response I received was a literal slap across the face and a lecture on how there was nothing in my life to be depressed about. How my parents always had it worse, and that my life was perfect.

My life has never been “perfect,” and neither has our parents. However, playing into this “Oppression Olympics” does nothing for the wounded.

When our parents replay their own stories of suffering and peril for us, they are spreading the message that what happened to them is normal. They are telling themselves that that is the bar from which we live our lives.

No one’s idea of normal should stem out of a traumatic event.

Children should not feel that their suffering and pain is invalid simply because it looks different than the suffering of our parents.  It’s time that we understand suffering – emotional, political, or financial – can look different for everyone, and that suffering is painful without devaluing it. We need to meet this suffering with deep empathy and greet our children with a deep sense of belonging.


Do you have any stories of suffering like this? Share them in the comments below!

Self-Care & Therapy aren’t “Just Gora Things”

Self care is not just for white people. Mental health is not just a “white people” thing.

I grew up thinking that therapy was for white people, and that only “goras” have mental diagnoses or struggle with mental health.

This hurts our communities in multiple ways – for instance, not only does it discourage anyone who seeks help from doing so, but it also places value on pushing through feelings of pain, loneliness, helplessness, depression, and anxiety despite the consequences. We are teaching our own children that it is better to care what others think of you rather than to take the time to prioritize your own personal growth.

Therapy, personal growth, and self-help aren’t just for the “damned” or the “crazy,” or for white people.

We all know how important it is to eat right and work out on a daily, or at least frequent, basis. However, when it comes to this kind of preventative work for mental health, it is completely dismissed.

What if we thought of attending therapy, or reading self-help books, or participating whatever forms of self-care and rituals resonate with us, was more of a preventative measure to deal with anxiety and depression, rather than stigmatizing these activities and the people who participate in them?

Self-care is a human issue, and we cannot exclude ourselves from taking care of ourselves on a basic level. I know this because I have seen so many family members, both young and old, and South Asian peers of mine choose to suffer in silence, rather than risk anyone finding out that they have a mental disorder or are going through a difficult time. This silence is detrimental. This lack of support can drive people deeper into depression, or help them to turn to self-medicating, and at its absolute worst, can result in suicide.

When we speak out about the shame and when we are vulnerable about our struggles, we become free. However, for many of us South Asians, it can be incredibly daunting when you know that you will often be ridiculed or told to suck it up by your own family members. We may even find it easier to open up to friends or a stranger rather than our own flesh and blood, simply because of how our communities have been taught to deal with mental health issues.

Our community deserves better.

Another point to make here is that self-care isn’t all face masks and rose petal baths. Self care can look like setting boundaries, cutting off relationships and activities that don’t serve your Higher Self, and can even encompass a spiritual practice or ritual.

Taking care of ourselves can help us be better partners and friends and can even help us make healthier decisions that serve us wholly.

If you don’t practice setting boundaries with yourself (yes, you can make self-care a boundary in itself), it will only get more difficult to make others respect your boundaries. When others don’t respect your boundaries and space, you begin to feel resentful and even taken advantage of. When you feel resentful, it’s difficult to be grateful. It’s difficult to live in the present moment.

When we’re constantly dwelling on the past, or constantly anxious about the future, we forget to stay present in our relationships, in your work, and with yourself. This is when some of life’s best moments can pass us by. This is the feeling that we get when things are so good, and so pure, that we immediately jump to fear because we believe that it can’t last.

Imagine that everyone in our community took a little time for themselves, to nurture their needs, and to become a little more self-aware. Consider a world in which our parents, cousins, and all the Auntys we knew took a little time for self-love and personal growth, and a little less time for judgement. We would become a much more understanding and tolerant community. There would be fewer individuals exiled from our societies, and would be embraced, instead.

Our families would grow. Our love for one another would grow. Our love for ourselves and our community would grow.

Invest in self-care. It is a step in the right direction for all of us.

Let me know in the comments below – What will you do this week to commit to self-care?

xoxo,

Rosh

Changing Relationships to Better Yourself

It’s been over eight months since I’ve seen my parents. For a lot of other Desis I know, that concept can be a difficult one to picture.

As you may know, I live in Colorado and left home in Texas about 6 years ago for university. I frequently came back home, as most students did, on school breaks while I was in college, and was able to see my parents about every 3 or 4 months.

When I graduated and got my first professional, full-time job at the same university, my parents warned me that I could only take this job if I came home once a month. So last year, every month, I flew home on my own dime and visited for 3 – 4 days. They were short trips, but so frequent that it felt like I wasn’t really away.

This year, I haven’t been home since March. I bailed on my Thanksgiving plans to go home, (much to my parents dismay) and now I’m heading home for 2 days for New Year’s Eve. Though I don’t always get along with my parents, and love living away from home, I dealt with a lot of guilt that I was away from home.

I never even realized that moving back home was what was expected of me after college. The only expectation that I was aware of was to get a good job, which I did.

For so many South Asians, and especially South Asian women, our role is often defined by what we can provide for our families. It’s always great to be of service, to be there for others, and to cultivate healthy relationships with our loved ones.

However, we are entering a new world in which we can begin to redefine our roles, our families, and how we allow ourselves to cultivate our own sense of self. 

We are CREATING culture as we live and breathe. We define and redefine our culture as Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Canadians, Americans, British in every waking moment.

It’s okay to change the rules.

More importantly, it’s okay to disconnect from people when you grow. 

This past year has encapsulated the most personal growth and healing that I’ve ever experienced. Not only did I launch this blog and my youtube channel, but I also discovered the powers of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and am studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a result. I’ve finally reestablished my yoga practice, and I’ve finally been able to bring myself to meditate.

None of this would have been possible without me taking these months to myself.

We all need some time away from the “energy-suckers,” as Oprah calls them.

My biggest point here is that not every ‘energy-sucker’ has to be a completely, all-around, horrible person. Our seasons of life can also factor into who we should be spending time with, and how much that time can vary.

It’s probably not great to be out at the club 4+ nights a week, every week. But if you’re on vacation, it might make perfect sense to spend a few days that week partying it up. These seasons of life are natural.

It’s okay to take a break from all your family members, or to take a hiatus from seeing your friends for a couple of weeks. Especially if this means that you will grow and be a better person because of it. 

When you take time to nurture who you are, and you allow yourself to truly care for yourself, you begin to reap the benefits. When you finally reconnect with your loved ones, you have more positivity, more energy, and more presence to bring into the relationships.

Disconnect to reconnect.

xoxo,

Roshni

An Ode to Lonely Hearts this Holiday Season

To anyone who has been emotionally, physically, or mentally abused by close family.

To anyone who cannot come out to their family.

To anyone who has lost family support because you stood in your truth.

This is for you.

You are  precious gem in this often soulless world. You will find a chosen family. You did not betray anyone.

You are breaking through generational trauma. You are investing in the future of your family and your own descendents.

You will create a home that you love. You will thrive.

You deserve to have boundaries. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve genuine happiness.

You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are loved.

How You Can Start Trusting Your Intuition

Trust your Intuition

 

Something you might not know about me is that I moved close to 1000 miles away from my parent’s home to start college at a liberal arts school. Not entirely unusual, except that all of my peers are long-gone from this small Colorado town, while I’m still here 6 years later.

Walking around campus yesterday, I finally realized  that it was all for something.

I used to be quite the party girl, especially during most of my college years. Ironically, when that was my main goal, my friends liked to take it easy, and when they finally wanted to spend most of their time partying after college ended, I was finally beginning to take a hiatus from all the booze and parties.

I constantly felt like I was bad at being in my twenties and that I shouldn’t be spending my time indoors, going to bed by 10, and generally being #GrandmaChic.

Despite the guilt and my story of “should,” I knew deep down that I was spending my time the right way, that I wasn’t actually being lazy, and that I was definitely experiencing some healing.

It is completely okay to disconnect. 

We all need to disconnect from others from time to time, and that has nothing to do with your ability to be a good friend. In fact, you can be a much better friend when you’re not constantly stuck and churning in your own turmoil. 

As I found my way walking through campus yesterday, (where I now am employed full-time), I realized that this city and the boredom I faced all brought me to the very moment of writing this blog.

If I wasn’t slightly discontent with where I was living, and if I had constantly been trying to distract myself with drugs, alcohol, and parties, I wouldn’t have realized that I wanted more.

I wouldn’t have looked into personal growth, nor would I have stumbled upon my favorite creative entrepreneurs, and I wouldn’t have had the mental energy to convince myself that this was truly the life that I have been dreaming of.

If you have even a small glimmer of hope that you’re in the right place, or the tiniest sense in your intuition that everything will work out if you are patient, or you run into the strange sensation of contentment, follow it. Lean into it.

Screw the “should”s and the “must”s and the “you’re-not-cool-ifs” and follow your heart straight into your happy place.

I finally understand what people mean when they tell others to “trust the process.” My life may have been unconventional, but I was (and am) truly, truly happy. Of course I still have goals, and still want to strive for more. But I know that I am taking steps, every day, to get closer to those goals.

And I refuse to wait until I get there to be happy.

Trust yourself, love yourself, and do you, boo.

What You Can Learn From My Scam Story

Important Lessons from

I get a call from someone impersonating an officer, with all my information, concerned about missing a court appearance for jury duty.

Not only have I never even been called in to jury duty, but I have also never had any experience with missing a court date.

I fell into the trap of listening to this asshole go on about how I could either go in for an arrest, today, or make a payment, today. He scammed me out of $1000, and if you want to know more about the story and what happened, let me know in the comments – I’d be happy to make a video about the details of the scam!

After navigating through the shame, embarrassment, and anger of being tricked out of losing a significant amount of money, I was at an emotional crossroads. I felt like I could either take this as a sign that I shouldn’t run my own business, or that I will never be able to handle my own money, or I could use this time to prove to the universe that I’m serious. Serious about my business, serious about my financial future, and someone who won’t back down from my dreams.

Lesson One: Money is a Tool // You Are More Than Your Bank Account.

I have heard so many wellness coaches and authors mention this, and though I have been trying to incorporate this into my perspective, I felt like a part of me was dismissive of this story because the people who were telling me this also had more than enough to cover their basic expenses.

I felt like I had to earn a certain amount before I could truly let myself believe that money is a tool.

Even though my account totals have dropped, I know that I have never missed a rent payment, I still generally feel safe, and now I know that I would never fall for such a thing again.

I can wait around forever to have enough money before I finally “fix” my relationship with money, or truly allow myself to feel like I deserve it.

Or, I could realize that what I actually want is to be able to support myself with my business, to be somewhat location-independent, and to feel supported through the relationships in my life.

I wasn’t angry that I was manipulated out of my money, I was mad that I was manipulated out of what that money represented to me: freedom. 

Think about what money represents for you – focus on that. I don’t have piles and piles of cash, but I truly recognize that money is not an end in itself. Money is a means to the life you truly want.

Don’t give it more power than you need to.

When we get stuck using measuring our self-worth through quantified terms, it will never be enough. You can get so focused on increasing the numbers in your bank account, or losing more and more weight, or getting a perfect test score in a shorter amount of time, that you honestly forget what it’s all for.

And I urge you to remember what the bottom line is and what your true motives are. Because when something happens, like you get scammed and you lose some money, or gain some weight back, or when you have a bad test day, that can be all it takes for you to lose all of your self-worth.

Your sense of worthiness is not quantifiable, so stop telling yourself it is! 

Lesson Two: You Can Only Control the Power you Give to a Situation.

I could spend the rest of the holidays skulking around about how I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and paranoid about someone out there who knows my information. Sure, I genuinely felt all of these things. But I choose not to give this situation more power than it needs.

Looking back on my college experience, I can think of an entire list of times I had been betrayed, wronged, or manipulated. 

Not all of those times were as serious as being scammed, but plenty of them sent me into emotional turmoil far worse than what I am experiencing now.

The reason is because I saw myself as weak, powerless, and only a victim of what was going on around me. 

In reality, other than aging a few years, and switching from being a full-time student to a full-time employee, not much has tangibly changed in my life.

But what is different is my perspective on how to deal with negative situations. The point is, shit happens. It will look differently in all of our lives, but we will all be let down at some point.

In any of these situations, you have the power to chose how you feel and how you will deal with the situation. 

Do you want to be defined by your struggles, or by what you accomplished in spite of them?

Empathize with yourself and allow yourself to feel hurt. Then pick yourself up and keep going. Make changes, redefine relationships, do what you need to do to heal.

But don’t stop being you.

xoxo,

Rosh

Always Jealous? Here’s How to Deal With it:

There’s nothing worse than floating around in a directionless space. But we have all experienced, most likely on a daily basis, ourselves constantly critiquing and comparing ourselves to everyone physically around us and in our newsfeeds.

The antidote to feeling lost? Using your Comparison Envy as a teaching tool for what you truly want.

A few years ago, I would feel a literal pang when I saw how many likes someone’s Instagram had, or saw how talented my friends’ pictures on social media were. Now, here I am, starting an online business, focusing on improving my photography and videography abilities, and finally feel like these are actual skills that I can work toward rather than a talent that just completely missed me.

I didn’t quite connect the dots at first, but looking back, had I paid closer attention to that comparison envy actually teaching me what I wanted for myself, I could have saved a lot of heartache by just admitting to myself that that’s what I wanted. Instead, I lost both time and confidence in pitying myself.

I don’t want you to lose this kind of precious time – I want you to be able to set it and get it

Don’t let yourself be pushed around by the comparison envy in your head. Instead, let it fuel your motivation and help you get to the bottom of what you truly want.

Journal Prompt:

1. Ask yourself why you are constantly comparing yourself to others, and what is at the core of the comparison.

2. What can you start doing, today, to help you reach the goal outlined by your comparison envy?

Leave a comment below, or shoot me an email, and let me know what your comparison envy has taught you!

xoxo,

Rosh

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