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How to Manifest Energy in your Physical Space

I talk about using Neuro-Linguistic Programming with most of my clients, and I will return to NLP tools for all types of problems.

If you’ve ever wanted to feel an immediate relief as soon as you walk into the door at home; or relaxation when you hit your pillow each night, it is completely possible!

My latest video shows you how you can use simple visualization practices and NLP tools to create a specific kind of mood in any physical place.

This video is short and sweet – under 10 minutes – and it’s free to use this tool at home! Why not try it?!

Life Lessons from my 23-Year-Old Self

Hello loves!

It has been SO long since I have posted and I apologize! I have been super active over on my YouTube Channel and for a while I couldn’t cross-post onto this website but I can now!! Woohoo!

So look forward to seeing my YouTube videos here when I first launch them, and to celebrate my recent 24th birthday, I decided to create a video about Lessons I’ve Learned during the past year.

I really wanted to make this series, Lessons I’ve Learned, as my version of a “Monthly Favorites” series so that I can share things that I’m going through in a more authentic way and so that I can take you on this journey of growing alongside me!

In this video, I talk about taking up space, what it’s like to be a woman of color on youtube, and what I’ve discovered that has SERIOUSLY helped me and changed my life in the last year!

xoxo,

 

Roshni

My Story

I was 22, on the floor of my apartment, having a front-of-the-altar type of mental breakdown. I finally recognized the pain that I had been hiding for all of these years. The feeling of being unloved. My Story Visual

As a survivor of childhood emotional abuse, I know how much abuse and trauma from your past can affect your every decision. I was constantly looking for love without knowing it.

At the age of 5, I immigrated from Nairobi, Kenya, to Dallas, Texas. My extended family was torn apart, and my parents and I were uprooted to a new world. The very foundations of the world I had grown to love was shattered. This caused a lot of confusion and resentment amidst the culture shock of moving to a new country.

I wanted so desperately to fit in and to not be made fun of that I began to do everything in my power to assimilate. I purposely forgot three languages that I could fluently speak so that I could be proud to say I only knew English. I turned on my culture, and lived my adolescence through the experience of internalized racism. 

As a teenager, anxiety and depression was constant and overwhelming, but in most cases I was unaware that I even had these conditions. It was when my maternal grandmother, whom I was closest to, passed when I was 16 that I truly began to realize the extent of my depression.

By the time I was in college, I had been continuing to hide parts of myself. Not only was I embarrassed by my heritage, but I had no idea how to believe in my own strengths and talents. I was so convinced that my natural skills in art, history, literature, sociology, etc. were “useless” because they “wouldn’t be able to provide for me.”

At every chance I had, I undermined myself. I didn’t know it at the time – but this lack of belief in myself was completely intertwined in my feelings of being unloved.

After suffering through hundreds of panic attacks, multiple serious bouts of depression, a constant stream of anxiety-ridden thoughts, and even trying antidepressants by just the age of 20, I knew that a better way had to be out there.

During my time after high school and in college, the pain that I carried with me manifested in the use of multiple substances. I was never completely addicted to one particular drug, but I knew that I was meant for so much more than the life that I was living. 

I finally realized that I needed to heal. I needed to process all of the pain I had been through. I needed to break free of my addictions, my stories of self-doubt, and I had to completely put myself together again. 

It was on this journey that I discovered NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), Art Therapy, and a variety of spiritual leaders that gave me the tools to discover who I am and how to believe in myself.

I learned to trust.

Not only myself, but the universe. The world around me. I rebuilt a story that my world is friendly, accepting, supportive, and loving. I reconnected with many old friends, made plenty of new ones, and created a life for myself that better than I could have imagined.

I know how difficult it can be to deal with addictions, to feel like every single decision is a struggle. I understand the immense heartwork that it takes to put trauma and betrayal in your past. But this is your life. And you deserve to be completely in love with it.

Can you learn to trust yourself?

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Do you trust yourself to do what is best for yourself?

Do you trust yourself to be compassionate towards yourself instead of beating yourself up when you make a mistake?

Do you understand yourself well enough to trust your decision-making skills?

Being able to trust yourself is a struggle for all of us. Most of the time, we are taught to do the opposite of our first reaction – waiting three extra days to text that person you actually kind of like, or second-guessing your career choice, or putting your passions away for something more practical.

But self-trust has huge benefits – when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to actually trust ourselves, the more we can learn about our Higher Selves and what we truly love. It can allow us to hear our intuition, loudly and clearly. Sometimes, this can even bring us closer to fulfilling our Personal Journey (the Alchemist, anyone?).

I created six affirmations below to help you cultivate self-trust.

You can repeat these along with other affirmations, you can write them over and over in your morning pages, you can even write them on post-its and put them in your bedroom.

Generally, repeating affirmations, especially aloud, is one of the best ways to really reprogram your subconscious. Even if you need to work yourself up to it, it is the best way to really believe these messages.

  1.  I trust the Universe and the Universe trusts me.
  2. I love and trust myself unconditionally.
  3. I can rely on myself.
  4. I am trustworthy.
  5. I deserve to be trusted.
  6. I am capable of making decisions that serve my Higher Self.

Do you have a favorite mantra? Let me know in the comments below!

Xoxo,

Rosh

 

How to Connect with your Intuition

Connect w your IntuitionDeveloping intuition and trust in ourselves is incredibly important – especially for South Asian women, or all women for that matter! In a culture and world where we, as women, are constantly told what to do and how to do it, it’s so vital to develop a relationship with your self and to decide who you truly want to be in this world. Without developing this connection to our intuition, we can go our entire lives playing by the rules and only doing what others demand of us.
I know how hard it can be to even know what your intuition is supposed to sound like and how to really know if your thoughts and actions are representative of your true self, so I created this list of small ways that you can start to be more intuitive in your daily life.
Intuition is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it the more you know how it sounds and what it is leading you towards. The more that you listen to and respect your intuition, the more easily you can live Self-Concordantly and truly develop a strong sense of self.
Intuition is defined as “an ability to understand or know something immediately based on your feelings rather than facts: Often there’s no clear evidence one way or the other and you just have to base your judgment on intuition,” by the Cambridge English Dictionary. While this may seem like it could be a trivial because it isn’t based on any rationale, developing Intuition is imperative because there are many decisions in life that cannot be based on rationale.
When it comes to finding a life partner, or deciding on a career path, or a new place to move – there are many situations in life that aren’t black and white and that take more than a pro-con list to decipher.
Here are three ways to start developing your intuition today:
  1. Start making choices intuitively – We make tons of choices every day – how we want to dress, what we want to eat, which workout we are doing that day, the affirmations we want to use, the tarot card we pull, the essential oils we diffuse. These choices are all frequent and have little to no consequences – you won’t be at stake of ruining your life if you choose a “bad” essential oil combo. Instead of falling back on your usual routine or making these daily decisions on autopilot, try to be a little more mindful for a week and see what your intuition draws you towards. Making these minute decisions can help you express your intuition without any fear that it will lead you off-track.
  2. When you have a tough decision to make, instead of running to your best friend or significant other for their opinion, journal it out. You may have heard of your “inner child,” but have you heard of your “inner mentor?” Both of these practices are great for developing your intuition. Grab your journal or some paper, and ask your inner Mentor (the older, wiser version of you), or your Inner Child (the younger, more fun, more carefree version of you) what they think you should do. Not only does this help you to look at your Self in a more holistic view, it will help you change how you look at time. This exercise allows you to feel as if you are asking someone for advice, but keeps the conversation pure rather than factoring in someone else’s fears and insecurities into the mix. It also teaches you that you are capable of making a decision without someone else’s approval. As someone who definitely used to be a people-pleaser, it can be shocking to realize how easily you can make a decision without having to get every single person’s approval first.
  3. This last one takes a little more imagination, but it is completely worth it. This is a visualization practice in which you think back on past memories of yourself when you were a child in distress. It is incredibly important that you let these memories come to you (it might even take a few days) and that you do not force yourself to relive or re-encounter anything that is too painful for you. In fact, the only memories that I have felt comfortable revisiting from my childhood have been memories before the age of 10, because my intuition has not guided me to revisit any painful memories from high school or college yet.
 When you revisit these memories, do not put yourself back in your skin, but instead watch them like a movie or like a still-shot in your mind. It is as if you, as an adult, are looking back over your past and connecting with your hurt inner child. When you see yourself as a child, being hurt, confused, and/or lost, allow yourself to enter this memory as the adult you are now and offer your younger self a hug, some comforting words, and just compassion in general.
I often picture my older self going back to my younger self when she is in a moment of panic or grief, holding her in a hug and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Not only does this make me feel like I am a compassionate and responsible adult, but it makes the younger version of me feel less hurt and abandoned. It feels like someone came back for her, and that she had someone looking out for her all along. Our inner children are generally creative and fun-loving, so offering this part of yourself compassion and healing can help repair the intuitive freedom and openness that often gets trapped and squandered with both trauma and age.
I cannot stress enough, however, to only do this with past memories that you are comfortable revisiting. I do not want you to rush this process and force yourself to revisit painful memories that leave you feel worn down, depressive, and at a loss for energy. Just finding these memories is a practice of intuition in itself – allow your Self to take on this exercise with the intention of healing (and any other intention that you may set) and let these memories come to you. You may even encounter some memories that you wouldn’t have otherwise remembered, but that still had a lasting effect on you.
Which exercise are you most excited to try? Let me know in the comments below!
As always, if you have any questions about these exercises or want to get in touch with me, email me!
Love + Light,
Roshni

Suffering is not a norm.

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Is it possible for Communities of Color to balance their cultural history without normalizing suffering?

Last night, I was at dinner with a friend from the Latinx community, and we began to talk about our lives and our current struggles. Inevitably, we had barely caught up on our struggles before we started qualifying them with one another and comparing them to the struggle of our parents.

For all immigrants and third-culture kids, it’s pretty safe to say that most of us understand suffering and have grown up with stories of our parents’ struggles – politically and financially.

It’s important for us to recount these stories and to understand and value our family history, especially when these are the stories that are often left behind by history books, movies, and novels.

However, is there a point when retelling these stories normalizes suffering?

As much as it is important to use the struggles of our parents and ancestors to motivate us, it can be extremely isolating and devaluing to compare your own life and struggles with the ones of past generations.

So many of us are told that we should stop complaining about negative comments, or bullying in school, or struggling with our education or peer groups because our parents had it worse. I think that there is a valuable lesson of human perseverance here. But I also think that repeating the idea that “other people have it worse” can be incredibly unproductive.

These ideas can even leak into conversations of mental health.

In my personal experience with depression, I have experienced it both as a result of grief and emotional abuse, and as a recurring illness. When I was 16, my grandmother passed away, and her sudden death and all the family drama surrounding it brought me into one of the deepest depressions of my life. She got sick and passed away in the span of 3 months – between August and October.

For about 6 full years after this experience, I would struggle with depression during those months like clockwork. Nothing had to happen, and it wasn’t brought on by a different traumatic experience every time. In fact, it often came up when everything else in my life was relatively normal and stable. It can make you feel completely crazy when your brain and body are telling you that nothing matters, that we all die anyway, and that life is full of suffering.

The first time I opened up to my parents about depression and the way I was feeling was when I was 16. The response I received was a literal slap across the face and a lecture on how there was nothing in my life to be depressed about. How my parents always had it worse, and that my life was perfect.

My life has never been “perfect,” and neither has our parents. However, playing into this “Oppression Olympics” does nothing for the wounded.

When our parents replay their own stories of suffering and peril for us, they are spreading the message that what happened to them is normal. They are telling themselves that that is the bar from which we live our lives.

No one’s idea of normal should stem out of a traumatic event.

Children should not feel that their suffering and pain is invalid simply because it looks different than the suffering of our parents.  It’s time that we understand suffering – emotional, political, or financial – can look different for everyone, and that suffering is painful without devaluing it. We need to meet this suffering with deep empathy and greet our children with a deep sense of belonging.


Do you have any stories of suffering like this? Share them in the comments below!

Self-Care & Therapy aren’t “Just Gora Things”

Self care is not just for white people. Mental health is not just a “white people” thing.

I grew up thinking that therapy was for white people, and that only “goras” have mental diagnoses or struggle with mental health.

This hurts our communities in multiple ways – for instance, not only does it discourage anyone who seeks help from doing so, but it also places value on pushing through feelings of pain, loneliness, helplessness, depression, and anxiety despite the consequences. We are teaching our own children that it is better to care what others think of you rather than to take the time to prioritize your own personal growth.

Therapy, personal growth, and self-help aren’t just for the “damned” or the “crazy,” or for white people.

We all know how important it is to eat right and work out on a daily, or at least frequent, basis. However, when it comes to this kind of preventative work for mental health, it is completely dismissed.

What if we thought of attending therapy, or reading self-help books, or participating whatever forms of self-care and rituals resonate with us, was more of a preventative measure to deal with anxiety and depression, rather than stigmatizing these activities and the people who participate in them?

Self-care is a human issue, and we cannot exclude ourselves from taking care of ourselves on a basic level. I know this because I have seen so many family members, both young and old, and South Asian peers of mine choose to suffer in silence, rather than risk anyone finding out that they have a mental disorder or are going through a difficult time. This silence is detrimental. This lack of support can drive people deeper into depression, or help them to turn to self-medicating, and at its absolute worst, can result in suicide.

When we speak out about the shame and when we are vulnerable about our struggles, we become free. However, for many of us South Asians, it can be incredibly daunting when you know that you will often be ridiculed or told to suck it up by your own family members. We may even find it easier to open up to friends or a stranger rather than our own flesh and blood, simply because of how our communities have been taught to deal with mental health issues.

Our community deserves better.

Another point to make here is that self-care isn’t all face masks and rose petal baths. Self care can look like setting boundaries, cutting off relationships and activities that don’t serve your Higher Self, and can even encompass a spiritual practice or ritual.

Taking care of ourselves can help us be better partners and friends and can even help us make healthier decisions that serve us wholly.

If you don’t practice setting boundaries with yourself (yes, you can make self-care a boundary in itself), it will only get more difficult to make others respect your boundaries. When others don’t respect your boundaries and space, you begin to feel resentful and even taken advantage of. When you feel resentful, it’s difficult to be grateful. It’s difficult to live in the present moment.

When we’re constantly dwelling on the past, or constantly anxious about the future, we forget to stay present in our relationships, in your work, and with yourself. This is when some of life’s best moments can pass us by. This is the feeling that we get when things are so good, and so pure, that we immediately jump to fear because we believe that it can’t last.

Imagine that everyone in our community took a little time for themselves, to nurture their needs, and to become a little more self-aware. Consider a world in which our parents, cousins, and all the Auntys we knew took a little time for self-love and personal growth, and a little less time for judgement. We would become a much more understanding and tolerant community. There would be fewer individuals exiled from our societies, and would be embraced, instead.

Our families would grow. Our love for one another would grow. Our love for ourselves and our community would grow.

Invest in self-care. It is a step in the right direction for all of us.

Let me know in the comments below – What will you do this week to commit to self-care?

xoxo,

Rosh

Changing Relationships to Better Yourself

It’s been over eight months since I’ve seen my parents. For a lot of other Desis I know, that concept can be a difficult one to picture.

As you may know, I live in Colorado and left home in Texas about 6 years ago for university. I frequently came back home, as most students did, on school breaks while I was in college, and was able to see my parents about every 3 or 4 months.

When I graduated and got my first professional, full-time job at the same university, my parents warned me that I could only take this job if I came home once a month. So last year, every month, I flew home on my own dime and visited for 3 – 4 days. They were short trips, but so frequent that it felt like I wasn’t really away.

This year, I haven’t been home since March. I bailed on my Thanksgiving plans to go home, (much to my parents dismay) and now I’m heading home for 2 days for New Year’s Eve. Though I don’t always get along with my parents, and love living away from home, I dealt with a lot of guilt that I was away from home.

I never even realized that moving back home was what was expected of me after college. The only expectation that I was aware of was to get a good job, which I did.

For so many South Asians, and especially South Asian women, our role is often defined by what we can provide for our families. It’s always great to be of service, to be there for others, and to cultivate healthy relationships with our loved ones.

However, we are entering a new world in which we can begin to redefine our roles, our families, and how we allow ourselves to cultivate our own sense of self. 

We are CREATING culture as we live and breathe. We define and redefine our culture as Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Canadians, Americans, British in every waking moment.

It’s okay to change the rules.

More importantly, it’s okay to disconnect from people when you grow. 

This past year has encapsulated the most personal growth and healing that I’ve ever experienced. Not only did I launch this blog and my youtube channel, but I also discovered the powers of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and am studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a result. I’ve finally reestablished my yoga practice, and I’ve finally been able to bring myself to meditate.

None of this would have been possible without me taking these months to myself.

We all need some time away from the “energy-suckers,” as Oprah calls them.

My biggest point here is that not every ‘energy-sucker’ has to be a completely, all-around, horrible person. Our seasons of life can also factor into who we should be spending time with, and how much that time can vary.

It’s probably not great to be out at the club 4+ nights a week, every week. But if you’re on vacation, it might make perfect sense to spend a few days that week partying it up. These seasons of life are natural.

It’s okay to take a break from all your family members, or to take a hiatus from seeing your friends for a couple of weeks. Especially if this means that you will grow and be a better person because of it. 

When you take time to nurture who you are, and you allow yourself to truly care for yourself, you begin to reap the benefits. When you finally reconnect with your loved ones, you have more positivity, more energy, and more presence to bring into the relationships.

Disconnect to reconnect.

xoxo,

Roshni

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