I was 22, on the floor of my apartment, having a front-of-the-altar type of breakdown. I finally recognized the pain that I had been hiding for all of these years.
The feeling of being unloved. The heaviness of feeling unworthy.
As a survivor of childhood emotional abuse, I know how much abuse and trauma from your past can affect your every decision. I was constantly looking for love without knowing it.
At the age of 5, I immigrated from Nairobi, Kenya, to Dallas, Texas. My extended family was torn apart, and my parents and I were uprooted to a new world. The very foundations of the world I had grown to love was shattered. This caused a lot of confusion and resentment amidst the culture shock of moving to a new country.
I wanted so desperately to fit in and to not be made fun of that I began to do everything in my power to assimilate. I purposely forgot three languages that I could fluently speak so I could be proud to say I only knew English. I turned on my culture, and lived my adolescence through the experience of internalized racism.
As a teenager, anxiety and depression was constant and overwhelming, but in most cases I was unaware that I even had these conditions. It was when my maternal grandmother, whom I was closest to, passed when I was 16 that I truly began to realize the extent of my depression.
By the time I was in college, I continued to hide parts of myself. Not only was I embarrassed by my heritage, but I had no idea how to believe in my own strengths and talents. I was so convinced that my natural skills in art, history, literature, sociology, etc. were “useless” because they “wouldn’t be able to provide for me” that I betrayed all of my interests and spent years in a major I hated because it looked impressive on the outside.
At every chance I had, I undermined myself. I didn’t know it at the time – but this lack of belief in myself was completely intertwined in my feelings of being unloved and unworthy.
During my time after high school and in college, the pain that I carried with me manifested in the use of multiple substances. I was constantly looking for external sources to fill or numb the pain that I couldn’t escape.
After suffering through hundreds of panic attacks, multiple serious bouts of depression, and a constant stream of anxiety-ridden thoughts, I knew that there had to be more to life than the pain I was feeling.
I finally realized that I needed to heal. I needed to process all of the pain I had been through. I needed to break free of my addictions, my stories of self-doubt, and I had to completely put myself together again.
Along my healing journey, I discovered incredible tools such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), art therapy, and more. I was also met with the exact teachers and resources that I needed at the time. I learned that when you genuinely ask for help, it always arrives.
I learned to trust. Not only myself, but the universe.
I rebuilt the story that my world is friendly, accepting, supportive, and loving. I stopped believing that I’m only on this Earth to live for everyone else. I stopped believing that sacrificing myself would be the only way I could ever be good enough.
I invested in myself with time, money, and resources. I believed that things would work out even if I couldn’t see how yet (and they always did.) I reconnected with many old friends, made plenty of new ones, and created a life for myself that is SO much better than I could have imagined.
And now I’m here to show you how you can do the same. This is your life, and you deserve to be in love with it.
…But what if I’m not good enough?
You may be familiar with wondering if you’re good enough for certain people or opportunities. You may be able to recall a time that you gave up something because it was “too good” or a time that you pushed aside something you really wanted because you were overwhelmed and afraid.
When you don’t value yourself highly, you start to attract people, careers, and opportunities that reflect that low sense of self-worth back to you. You begin to believe that you do deserve to be miserable, and the cycle continues from there.
Having a low sense of self-worth manifests in so many ways, and the following are just a few:
- relentless imposter syndrome
- constantly comparing yourself to others to figure out how you should feel about yourself
- being afraid to set boundaries
- going above and beyond to make others happy even when you feel bitter and resentful about it
- feeling like when you do go above and beyond for others, the actions often aren’t reciprocated
- feeling like everyone else has options in life, but you never will
- getting caught up in envying what others have, yet being afraid to go after that yourself
- not setting goals for your future or setting goals and not following through with them
- overworking yourself and not knowing how to rest without feeling guilty
Self-worth coaching gives you space to validate your existing emotions, learn how they were created to protect you, identify the thoughts and beliefs that have been limiting you, and create a pathway to a life you could previously only dream about.
All of my services are one-on-one sessions or include a group coaching component because there’s no formula for this stuff. Everyone’s journey is different, and my services are custom-made to meet you where you are and guide you to your next level.