Scheduling Time for Self-Care, Creativity + Managing Anxiety (video)

I created a video on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp about mastering habit trackers and organizing activities of self-love into your daily or weekly routines.

Subscribe to my channel for more videos on self-discovery, self-care, and mental-health-related topics. My upcoming video series is focused on what contributes to our sense of self and how we can take control of our lives. New videos are up every Wednesday!

Finding Flow + Self-Sustaining Happiness

self activity picI’m currently 23, and spend half of my time being productive and determined to achieve a set of goals, while the rest of my time is spent wondering what exactly I’m doing, where else I should be living, the other lives I could be leading, etc. etc.

It get’s damn tiring, to say the least.

I recently came across the concept of living in self-concordance, which means that you actually follow through with activities, goals, and habits that support your true Self. In my previous post, I discussed how to find the difference between your true, or Higher Self, and your Ego that often prioritizes society’s goals over our own. Understanding the difference is vital in knowing and achieving what we truly want out of life.

I currently work a professional, full-time job at an institution of higher education. Damn straight, it looks great on paper. But I often spend most of my time feeling on the outside.

I am a clear 20 years younger than most of my colleagues, and just a couple of years older than the college students who I employ. I find it easier to relate to my employees than my co-workers, but can’t be truly friends with the people who I relate to.

I’ve discovered that in this beautiful philosophy of living self-concordantly, it’s not about age, or status, or how easily you can explain your life on the internet. Instead, it’s about living in ways that benefit your Higher Self, the part of you that just wants to stretch its legs and explore and create and relate.

When you live self-concordantly, the idea isn’t that you will never face hardship again, or that life will halt completely for you to follow your dreams. However, chances are, when you make decisions that honor your Higher Self, you will feel a much stronger level of integrity with that decision and will often also have less regrets when it comes to following through with that path. 

When we make things about a quantified number, such as test scores, likes/followers on social media, or the numbers on our paycheck, we can often fixate directly on these outside sources to develop and maintain our self-worth.

Living in self-concordance does not mean that you have to have a Walden-esque experience in a cabin alone. Rather, we can start small by practicing activities that help us achieve flow. 

Achieving flow is important because it connects us to a greater perspective. Some believe that the essence of being human is to relate to the outside world through your own unique perspective.

Therefore, being human isn’t about following an exact path, or recreating what has already been done, but rather finding ways in which you feel most alive and connected to the world. 

When you are completely in flow, standing in front of a canvas or sitting down at a potter’s wheel, do you think about what happiness is, or what the purpose is of you creating that painting or bringing the clay utensil to life?

In the moment of flow, it doesn’t make sense to question why you are doing what you’re doing. Instead, you are fully engaged with the all the sensations, the sights, smells, and sounds in your world. You are connecting with your experiences. You are practicing self-concordance.

In moments of flow, I sometimes get flashbacks to different memories or even solutions to questions I have been pondering. I am not purposely trying to make these things come up, but when you give your conscious mind a bit of a rest, the tranquility can often spur you onto bigger and better things. How many of us have had some of our best ideas when we are relaxed in the shower?

It is so important to practice this quiet meditation and peacefulness of achieving flow in our daily lives. Giving yourself this gift of zoning out and entering a distant world away from questioning your purpose, your next steps, and your five-year plan can help you be more mindful and connected to your true Self.

When we choose to practice meditation in flow, we have access to a deep sensation of mindfulness. This allows us to find ways to stay connected to what we find important so that we can deal with all the rest.

  1. When you allow your Self to just be is when you begin to understand your Self. 
  2. Understanding our Selves is the first step to living self-concordantly.
  3. Living Self-concordantly is the best way to make decisions that we are proud of and satisfied with.

If you can’t remember the last time you were lost in flow, don’t worry! Here are a few simple activities that you can do to help you find and regain flow:

Flow with Art:

  • Using any kind of art medium (paint, crayon, colored pencil) color an entire page one solid color.
  • Using a pen or pencil, draw a repetitive pattern on a page without lifting the tip of your pen or pencil. You could draw circles, the infinity sign, hearts, etc. Just continue without lifting the utensil until you have covered a page in the design.

Flow with Food:

  • Cook a meal, recipe, or dish that you know from heart. And take your time with it. Even if it’s just a grilled cheese, make one so damn good you could sell it as an appetizer at a gentrified restaurant for $30. 

Flow through your Space:

  • For some, (like me) doing dishes or cleaning can also help you zone out and get into a flow. Find something that isn’t too stressful, like vacuuming or wiping down all the countertops to help you regain that connection.

Flow with Nature:

  • Go on a walk outside. I love listening to podcasts while I walk, but in this case, try to find a playlist, album, or podcast that is about 5 – 10 minutes shorter than the walk you are going to take. Ease into it, and when the podcast or music ends, continue the remainder of your walk in silence. This can help ease you into a meditative state without even realizing it!

If you have other ways of achieving flow, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

xoxo,

Rosh

How to Stick with New Year’s Resolutions

BLOG christmas pic

Christmas and the New Year are now officially around the corner, and my heart is getting fuzzy just thinking of coffee, fireplaces, and bundling myself in blankets.

However, other than spending too much money and potential family drama, New Year’s Resolutions put the angel on the Christmas tree as my least favorite aspects of the holiday season.

Yes, I consider myself to be a productive goal-setter. However, I can’t remember the last time I set a New Year’s Resolution. The stigma of how many people break them by January 15th made me want to take myself out of the equation completely.

However, setting goals, and sticking to them, may not be as hard as you think.

Today, I bring you some Education Psychology via Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy to break it all down.

Self-Efficacy is one’s own belief in themselves to accomplish a task. 

So let’s say that finally committing to that gym membership is your chosen task or resolution.

Your belief in your ability to get up at 5 am, or to stop at the gym before you even get home from work, will contribute to whether you cancel that gym membership by January 15th of the new year. This is a prime example of making sure that we are

Self-efficacy is built from your own past experiences, the experiences of those around you, and the stories that you tell yourself and that others tell you. 

Have you ever worked out at a gym in the past?

Were you ever an athlete, or very active as a child?

Were you surrounded by friends and family who valued exercising?

Are you someone who believes that you will achieve anything that you put your mind to?

The key is to reel in the Chandler-Bing-esque-self-hate and to instead tell ourselves, that today, “Out of my 14 waking hours, I will spend one hour at the gym.”

But it’s just not our own stories that we tell ourselves, it’s what other people have told us our whole lives.

Was there a coach or trainer who always pushed you harder?

Did you have a support system that believed you?

Was it the lack of a support system that made you believe in yourself so much damn harder?

We have control over our own self-efficacy, and we can rewrite our stories at any time. Here’s how:

  1. Our self-efficacy can shift based on our mood. Find the time of day, or time of week, best fit to practice your new year’s resolution. Will you be more receptive in the morning? Or does it make more sense for you to burn out any energy and stress that you’ve acquired at the end of the day?
  2. We can trick our brain into building self-efficacy by visualizing us accomplishing the task at hand. Visualize, visualize, visualize. Spend each day, picturing yourself doing the thing. So picture you’re poppin’ body in those Lululemon leggings, or visualize you shredding out of that muscle tee. Picture the water bottle you will take with you, and the time of day you have set aside for that hobby or task.
  3. We can build self-efficacy by breaking what is unknown (going to the gym) with smaller tasks that we are comfortable with. Sure, maybe you haven’t been to the gym in about 5 years, and nothing about that is comforting. But you have picked out clothes before, you have created dope AF playlists before, and you have refilled that water bottle about 300 times. Start small. Break down each major, looming task into something that is so small that it is silly not to do it. (i.e., refilling that water bottle.) Not only will this get you steps closer towards accomplishing your goal, but taking any form of action, with the overall goal in mind, is a step towards building our self-efficacy towards that task. (And if you’re like me, this is a wonderful excuse to make a list (!!) and then to cross things off of it.)

Together, regardless of what your goals or resolutions are, let’s be a little less like Chandler and a little more like Phoebe running through central park.

xoxo,

Rosh

Discovering our Sense of Self: Ego vs. Self

New Doc 2017-11-17-01Happy Saturday, everyone!

Life is, essentially, a clusterfuck. So much of life passes by while we are stuck somewhere between ‘should’ and ‘could.’

In my recent post-graduate years, I’ve been trying to come to terms with who I am in the “real world,” outside of my tiny liberal arts cocoon. Instead of feeling free, I felt crippled by the overwhelming number of voices and opinions out there telling me how to spend my twenties, what I should be doing, how selfish I should be, blah blah blork.

When I first started my post-graduate, full-time, office-and-nameplate-and- stacks-of-business cards job, I would escape during breaks by staring at gorgeous Instagram feeds of travellers living their fullest, most profitable lives on beaches with a laptop and a rum-and-coke. What I eventually realized was that I love my 2 bedroom, spacious apartment, I don’t want to jump from hostel to hostel, and I thoroughly enjoy having my own space, my own quiet, my own mess if I want to.

That’s how I began to define “self-indulgent,” or even plain “selfish.”

But I loved it. And I want to help you discover your truest, richest version of self-indulgent. 

You can’t begin to live your best dreams if you aren’t sure what you want – and here I offer some help with distinguishing who you are between society’s ‘should’ and your own empty ‘could.’

The field of psychoanalysis distinguishes a major difference between your “Ego” and your “Self.” I spend so much time trying to decide between somewhat trivial things, and I know what it feels like to completely spiral from a simple decision.

Being able to determine when you are listening to your Self or your Ego can help you get to the root of more of your issues and allow you to gain access into what you truly what from life. How frustrating is it to go from one place to another, one job to another, one relationship to another, all the while not ever expecting yourself to be fully happy?

It’s fucked up. It’s a huge waste of time. And that stops here.

To make everything a little simpler, I made the handy chart below:

Life is likea cup of tea.

As you can tell, our Egos are focused on being “good enough,” not “not having enough (money, love, friends, time),” and on what everyone else around us is doing.

Our Egos are not entirely bad – they’re what keep us from doing inappropriate things in front of other people and have probably even led us to a couple of good decisions.

However, Egos can also be responsible for us always “playing safe,” for rationalizing why we shouldn’t follow our dreams, or explore that idea, let alone construct a life of least resistance.

One of the most important things to note from the chart above is the concept of “higher” self esteem versus “lower” self esteem.

Essentially, “lower” self-esteem is far more fragile, and often those who have “lower” self-esteem tend to engage in more activities that reinforce a shallow sense of self-worth. For example, posting staged shots of a book, your laptop, and coffee on Instagram with a somewhat motivational/Girlboss-y caption without ever actually opening said book and returning to Netflix on your laptop post-Instagram-post. Those tiny, beautiful hearts start coming in and you feel great about yourself, but deep down you know that it’s fake. Not only that, but if someone were to dare suggest that you’re a fraud, or call you out in some way on that post, you would feel angry and embarrassed. Feeding your “lower” self-esteem can lead you to be much more defensive and potentially even to please everyone else around you before taking your own opinion into consideration.

However, when you stay true to your authentic Self, and make decisions for your benefit rather than to impress others, you are engaging with “higher” self-esteem. Have you ever made a decision that felt sooo right, that had you screaming YES at every turn? When something is so right, and so true, and is overwhelmingly resounding, it’s hard to give two shits what anyone else says or types in a comment. Because you’re happy. You’re over the damn moon and no one can take that away from you. That is higher self-esteem. 

I truly believe that making decisions from your Self is the most sure-fire way of being satisfied with the decision you made even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want. 

That is where that self-indulgent, positively-radiant glow comes from.

Today, stay Self-ish.

xoxo

Roshni

An Introduction To Beti Grew Up

Welcome, everyone! I am so excited to “meet” and connect with all of you!

I want to preface this blog by writing a more in-depth introduction to this brand and my personal story.

My name is Roshni, and I am a 23-year-old, Kenyan-born, Texas-raised, Indian lady who now lives in Colorado! Needless to say, my upbringing has been complex — but it’s given me insight into many different perspectives that I’ve implemented on my journey of personal growth and healing.

Beti Grew Up is a business focused on helping you create and cultivate your sense of self. My belief is that the better you take care of yourself, and the better you know who who are, the more enriched your life and your relationships will be.

As a third culture kid, a child of immigrants, and a first generation college student in the United States, I have had to create bridges between seemingly mutually exclusive worlds. I have had to navigate relationships with family members and peers who operate from a completely different perspective.

What I’ve learned through this all, is that anything is possible if you have a strong sense of self.

My story of navigating depression, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in a community of color has also contributed to my belief that a strong sense of self is something that you can cultivate at any time, and is the key to unleashing internalized messages about yourself, your culture, and your true sense of self. I’m sure that many millennials, or individuals for that matter, have grown up and watched members of their community battle with issues that were kept a secret or caused a lot of shame.

Seeing the consequences of this in my own life has inspired me to write and speak up about managing our emotions, providing real tips and exercises (that I’ve personally used) to begin to heal, and to foster a shame-free community to talk through our stories.

I started this blog partly to keep myself on track in my own whirlwind journey of personal growth, and to offer insight and advice to anyone who wants to tune in to their true selves.

In this blog, and on my YouTube channel, BetiGrewUp, I aim to:

A) help you understand and manage your emotions,
B) dissect what having a sense of self means, where our own sense of self comes from, and how to begin to change that story, and
C) create a community that strengthens one another to decolonize, to unlearn, to relearn, and to cultivate our best selves.

I post a new YouTube video every Wednesday, and you will see a new blog post here, every Saturday. If you want to reach out to me with your story, you can always email me at betigrewup@gmail.com.

If you want to follow my personal soc meds, I’ll be on Instagram as @rikk_r0sh

See you Sunday, and happy healing!

xoxo

Roshni

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